Giratina: Dimension Disaster

Storyteller: “We all live in a beautiful world with flowers and forests, lakes and seas and volcanoes and mountains. Everyday new mysteries are discovered in this beautiful world, the world of POKéMON! Dozens of new species of POKéMON are discovered every year. Some people use them to fight, others use them as pets. Though some may be cute, they possess far greater powers then we ever can imagine. Some people want to use this force against the world, but it is almost uncontrollable…”



It was a Saturday morning. Ponyta ran trough the field and the sun was shining bright. Solaceon Town was as quiet and peaceful as always. A boy woke up. His name was Silver and he was 13 years old. He opened his eyes, and looked around. He went to the bathroom and himself, he put his clothes on, and then went to his room again. He did some things in his room, and then went to the living room. His mom was in the kitchen, making breakfast. “Hi Mom,” Silver said.
Mom replied: “Hi silver. Did you sleep well?”
“Pretty good. Where’s dad?” Silver asked.
“He went to the Solaceon ruins. He said something about an important research.” Mom replied.
“Ok, can I go to my friend?” Silver asked.
“Yes, of course you can!” said mom, while she drank a cup of coffee. “Ok mom” said Silver, while he went back to his room. He checked his computer for mail. “Huh? What’s this?” Silver opened a mail named “Do you want to be a POKéMON trainer?”

“Do you want to be a POKéMON trainer, but you don’t want to travel all the way to Sandgem Town? Come to the POKéMON daycare in Solaceon Town, and get your own POKéMON egg! For free!

- The Solaceon daycare owner, Daisy - “

“My friend will have to wait then!” Silver thought. He turned his computer off, and went outside. He walked past a few houses and saw an open field. It was very hot, but the Ponyta seemed to like the heat. Silver continued. Then he saw a small building. “Welcome to the daycare!” was painted on a sign next to the door. “This is it” thought silver. He entered the building. Inside the building, there were many POKéMON eggs. They each had marks, one was yellow with a black thunder-sign on it, the other was blue with a black spiral on it. An old woman walked to Silver. “Can I help you?” she said kindly, “I am Daisy, the owner of the daycare
“Yes, I got a mail, saying that you could get a free POKéMON egg here, so that’s what I came for.”
“Ah, I see.” She said “Feel free to look around!
“Ok” Silver replied, while looking at the POKéMON eggs. Then he saw a purple egg with a yellow X on it. “I want that one!” Silver thought, while he looked at the egg.
“Have you made a choice already?” daisy asked.
“Yes, I would like this one.” Silver replied.
Daisy said: “ah, so you choose the Drifloon egg? That one is close to hatching, you can have it, as long as you take good care of it.”
“That’s no problem, I will raise it with all my love.” Silver said while he carefully picked up the egg. “you can have it then.” Daisy replied.
“thank you very much, Daisy. Goodbye!” said Silver. He left the daycare.



Coming soon



This story plays in the Sinnoh region.
The main characters live in Solaceon Town.
This story's bad team is Team Galaxy.

This post has been edited by Tiemen on Jul 15 2007, 12:49 PM

Comments will be apreciated [Sp?]

This post has been edited by Tiemen on Apr 28 2007, 01:48 PM

meh, not too fond of the... 2nd person perspective. <<

start new paragraphs when a new person talks, it makes things much nicer to read.

o__o I live in a town named Volcano just because there's a volcano?

Uhm... how?

Isn't the world frozen over? >_>;;

Why do I get Sinnoh Region Pokemon instead of Marin Region Pokemon?

A last note; second person is seldem used because most people don't like being told what they are doing...

o__o I live in a town named Volcano just because there's a volcano?

Uhm... how?

Isn't the world frozen over? >_>;;

Why do I get Sinnoh Region Pokemon instead of Marin Region Pokemon?

A last note; second person is seldem used because most people don't like being told what they are doing...

1.No, but cause i don't have inspiration
2.that's what the you-person has to find out
3.10000 years ago yes

i will rewrite it in 3rd person, but not now

i love the idea but 10000 years seems a bit to much....... 50 years or even 10 years would be more beleivable

yeah... 10000 years is bit... cliche. <<

So the ice melted, right? Where's the water? o_x;

Jake: Where'd the ice come from? The water right? So, the water's probably back where it was.

Tiemen: I don't care for it.
I don't like reading most anything in Second Person. Also, instead of putting, "You: Hi, there! Man: How are you?" you should put like, "You greet the man cheerily, "Hi, there!"
He replies in a deep, commanding voice. "How are you?"
After each 'speech bubble', as I call people speaking, you should start a new paragraph.

No, the world was covered in ice. There was more water than there was originally...

maybe it came from the meteor. <<
but anyways, mass coldness = okay; sudden appearance of tons and tons of ice = needs more explanation.

of course, I am very thorough when i write my stories, so maybe its just me. <<

UpDaTeUpDaTe:
Changing the story- will be written in 3rd person this time

I like the banner! :D

Don't use planet twice... say Pokémon world, then beautiful planet.

Oooh, I forget this rhetorical device, but you pulled it off well.

There's no point to say what world it is, we've already heard it. Plus, say mysteries are solved... sounds better.

With these sentences together, it makes it sounds like some Pokémon use Pokémon to fight. Say... some people.

I dunno what that means.

Almost uncontrollable? So it is controllable? Then... people would rule the world, yes?

Just keep workin' on your writing. :D

I would take this

and change to this:

as an intro, it just describes Pokémon in general, but not really your particular storyline. made me think of the movies and brock's... dissertation thing at the beginning.
----------

I dunno what that means.

I think he meant 'though'

Almost uncontrollable? So it is controllable? Then... people would rule the world, yes?

they do... don't they? .___.

I mean the bad guys. >>

The people wanting to use Pokémon for power.

Editted. And jake: with "almost uncontrollable" i mean: it is controllable, but it's very very very very hard to control it, so nobody has found a way to fully control it.

Chapter 1: A new begin is added [WIP]. Please show me my grammar flaws so i can fix them.

UpDaTe: Finished chapter 1: a new begin

This post has been edited by Tiemen on Jul 15 2007, 11:04 AM

I'm amazed. I would have thought I'd have needed a translator for the Unkown stuff, but I can read it just fine.Taht's be awsome if you could make a sheet with the letters like that. The story is cool...

I did already make a sheet of Unown letters