The Stench, Small Poem

Don't get mad at me if this is in the wrong section. I didn't know where to put this for real.
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This is a small poem I wrote in the Sixth Grade (4 years ago), remade a little though. Please read it and tell me what you think.

The Stench

It was late at night, the sky was dark...
All I could see was the wooden tree bark,
The clouds were gone, and out from a ditch
Came a smell so horrible.. I'll call it the stench.

It crept to my nose, and down through the alley,
Through every house and up the valley,
It could be smelt from a mile away...
The stench, the stench, is here to stay...

What caused this stench is beyond reason,
It stayed in the alley from season to season,
I awoke that night, to see I was dreaming...
but the stench, the stench, it just wasn't leaving...

THE END

it's good, but it THINK it goes in literature

Duh, why didn't I think of that? No really, why didn't I think of that. Thanks anyway for the reply.

A few things don't flow very well...

The 'wooden tree bark' sounds... awkward... >>

"It crept to my nose, and down through the alley,
Through every house and up the valley,"

The second line needs one more syllable for symmetry (since you don't include the first word)... maybe up /in/ the valley?

Something is strange about "the stench, the stench is here to stay," but I can't put my finger on it.

Sounds good though. ^^;

This post has been edited by Jake on Feb 16 2007, 06:28 PM

Not the best, if you want poetry critiqing go to poetry.com. I have quite a few poems there. But tobe honest, this poem would have been bettter as a nonrhyming one because it is supposed to be quite seriosu. I usually find rhyming with more kid oriented stuff. Well rhyming like this anyways.

Don't bump old topics. >>