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 Caregiver, Fiction rating: M
Posted: Jul 24 2006, 08:02 PM

Unemployed Observer

Group: Members
Posts: 18
Member No.: 12
Joined: 17-July 06

Summary: Sarah helps Shawn relax.

It was 8 o'clock on a Friday night. Shawn had been working all week on a case that had just wrapped up. He drove his motorcycle up the driveway of his house. Tired, he walked up the driveway and opened the door. He peeled his leather jacket off his sore shoulders. That was when he realized how much pain he was in. In addition to his shoulders, his back was hurting, his head was throbbing, and his feet were killing him. All he wanted to do was go into his new hot tub and relax with his wife of three months, Sarah.

"Sarah!" he called. "Baby, I'm home!'

No answer. NO Sarah. He walked into the kitchen, thinking she was fixing dinner. He didn't find her but he did find a big box with a bow on it. Shawn opened it to find a pair of black swimming trunks and a note.

"Hey, honey: Put these on. Then, come out to the patio. I have a surprise for you."

Smiling and excited, Shawn bolted to the bathroom and removed his jeans and blue shirt and put on the swim trunks. He put his blue shirt on it again and walked out to the backyard. What he saw brought a Smile.gif to his face. Surrounding the hot tub were tiki lights burning brightly. Next to the tub, was table set for two. He walked to the hot tub and stirred the water. It was hot and Shawn was inching to get in there.

As Shawn was admiring the water, Sarah walked behind him and covered his eyes. "Guess who?" she asked.

Shawn nearly melted as he heard her voice. It was like honey being spread on bread. So sweet. Shawn brought his hands to hers. Her skin was silk, so soft.

He turned around and looked into her beautiful round-shape face. He took her face in his hands and kissed her. "Hey, sweetheart." He gave her a warm hug. "Sarah, this is so spectacular." He waved his arm around the site. "You cooked, and bought me the shorts and everything."

"Well, I know how hard you and Gus have been working," she said. "And I wanted to do something nice for you, something special cause you're special."

Shawn felt his heart melt by the love heard in her voice and seen in her eyes. Shawn wrapped his sore arms around her and kissed her. "Thank you, baby."

"You're welcome, love," she said into his shoulder. She pulled away & led him to the hot tub. Shawn removed his shirt and Sarah felt her knees get weak. Shawn has such a great physique. He wasn't built like a body builder. His body was lean with tone muscles in his arms, legs, and chest. But his abs were the feature that Sarah loved the best. He had just started doing sit-ups and a six-pack was formed. Sarah so wanted to reach out & let her fingers run down his stomach. Soon, she would. Shawn stepped into the hot water & gasped at hotness of the water. But he welcomed the relief it gave his body. Sarah stood behind him, wrapped her arms around his shoulders, and asked, "How's that, baby?"

Shawn exhaled & said, "Ohhh, that feels really good. But..."

"But what?" she asked.

"It would feel even better if you were in here with me," he said, grinning.

Sarah Smile.gifd & said, "Give me on second." She disappeared into the house. Ten minutes later, she came out wearing a white robe. As she got closer to Shawn, she untied the belt that was holding up the robe and let it fall to the ground. She stood there in a white bikini. Shawn felt he was glad that he was sitting cause he would have fainted seeing her beautiful body. Sarah had been working out & eating better. As a result, she had lost 50 lbs and toned up. In place of the softness was now lean muscle covered with tanned skin. And Shawn loved it.

"Ahh, baby, you are so beautiful," he whispered. He reached out & stroked her hand. “Come on, angel face, don’t keep me waiting.”

Shawn helped her into the hot tub and she sat behind Shawn. She brought her hands to his sore shoulders and began to massage them, firmly relieving him of the knots and tension. At first, Shawn moaned in pain but soon felt comfort from her touch and began moaning in pleasure, hoping that she would never stop. But she did. And started to kiss his shoulders. The gentle touch of her lips on his skin made Shawn feel as if he was melting into goo.

“How’s that, baby?” She whispered in between kisses.

“Nice, so nice,” he said, his breath increasing. “I love when you take care of me.” Shawn turned in her arms and began kissing her intensely. And the two kissed tenderly for a long time. After a while, the two let go and Shawn held Sarah in his arms. Sarah took one of his hands and began to kiss each finger.

“Angel face, thank you so much for tonight,” Shawn said, caressing her skin. “Thanks for being such a good wife and taking care of me. I love you, Sarah.”

“You’re welcome and I love you, too.” She said. Shawn looked at her with hunger in her eyes. “Let me really thanked you,” he said. With that, he took himself and her out of the hot tub. The two dried off and Shawn picked her up and carried her to their bedroom, with every intention of thanking her and taking care of her, just like she had done and will do forever.
Posted: Aug 14 2006, 09:17 PM

Unemployed Observer

Group: Members
Posts: 22
Member No.: 13
Joined: 18-July 06

Your story is great and very well written. Shawn does seem a little out of character, though. I would possibly like to see at least a little explanation as to whom this "Sarah" is. I mean, just a little something to explain. Having this random one-shot floating out there in space with no explanation pertaining to this OC is just kind of... confusing.

Also, you had a few spelling/grammar errors that were little careless mistakes and could probably be cured with a little help from a beta reader. I'd be willing to beta read for you, if you'd like me to. I know how weird/not helpful it can be to have people who actually KNOW you (i.e. friends, etc.) beta reading your stories.

I think this fic deserves a lower rating, as well. Since there's no actual sex and it's only implied, I think you might be able to go as far to lower it to a T. People will still understand.

Please don't take this as criticsm; I think you have a lot of potential.
Posted: Aug 16 2006, 05:13 PM

Unemployed Observer

Group: Members
Posts: 18
Member No.: 12
Joined: 17-July 06

hi there: thanks so much for your comments. As for Sarah, I am planning a story that describes her. I will tell you that she is different from any girl he has liked. Enjoy it. God bless
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