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Posted: Jun 24 2010, 01:51 PM
Member No.: 20
Joined: 21-June 10
A Daria fanfic whose title remains the trademark of MTV and Viacom
Be careful what you wish for-- you just may get it. But then, Daria doesn't
give a hang when it comes to wishes.
Taking a short cut to The Pizza King through an unexplored gully,
Daria and Jane carefully picked their way across grass and dirt bottom,
keeping an eye for any dangers.
"So Trent punched Seymour just because he badmouthed Emerson, Lake
and Palmer's Brain Salad Surgery?" said Daria.
"I would too, when it comes to an icon of classic rock, "said Jane. "When
Seymour said, and I quote, 'Grossly overrated by progressive fans, just like
every E.L. & P. album. Strangely, compared to the majority of progressive rock,
their lyrics don't suck too bad, and they actually came up with their own brand
of progressive rock, so they can't be blamed for contributing to subsequent removal
of the actual progressiveness from the genre. The only problem is, for the most part,
their brand of progressive rock sucks. Sure, there are moments of brilliance, but they
don't seem to realize what's good about their music, so they end up emphasizing the
wrong things. In its official form, it all just sounds like a bad jam: get some ideas,
run out of ideas, and then stall until you come up with the new ones. Or until the
audience gives up, whichever comes first--my guess is the latter,' unquote, Trent
went boom boom out go the lights on his skull and carcass, with his criminales
joining in, before dumping him a dumpster."
"Least he had Blue Cross," said the auburn, before she stopped, saying, "What's
that? Looks like some crystal in the dust."
"You sure it wasn't The Hope Diamond?" said the Lane gal who examined the
crystal gem carefully after Daria had pulled it out from the dirt.
At the Lane house, Jane washed the crystal till it was free of dirt and other impurities
and examined it under a microscope; it was the size of Daria's thumb, in the shape of
a round cat's eye, with red, yellow, green and blue streaks running through the center
of it, but it looked as if it had been made from the most brilliant Baccarat crystal.
After some time of examimng it, she whistled and said, "Daria, how you lucked out on
that crystal is anyone's guess, but there's a legend behind it--that what you found was the
lost Eye Of Anubis."
"Doesn't look like no human eye I've seen before," said the brain.
"Cute," said the Lane gal, "but I tell you, it's The Eye Of Anubis; y' see, some expedition
from Egypt brought it back to be placed in some museam, but it got lost on they way, and
the museam brass went ballistic, and the crystal was never found--until now."
"Big deal, so let's take it back to the museam, if it belongs to them," said the outcast.
"Don't you get it?" said Jane. "There's a legend saying that anyone that discovers that eye
is granted four wishes between now and midnight."
"Jane," said Daria, sounding a bit testy, "did you and Trent invent such a half baked story
like that? That is the most stupidest story I heard in years."
"I ain't joking," said the black haired Lane gal. "Try to make a wish for a test run and we'll
see if the legend was right."
"Anything to get you and your stinking yenta off my back," grumbled the outcast. "So let's see,
what should I wish for......? Would be tough........I wish I knew what to wish for."
For a moment, there was a white flash of light, and then Daria blurted out, "I know what to wish
"You see?" said Jane, "you had your first wish--you wish you knew what to wish for, so what's your
"You.....," muttered the auburn. "I'll prove to you what you believe is total bunk......I wish that
Mystik Sprial gets a recording contract."
Once again, there was that flash of light, and in an instant, Trent came running in, ecstatically
saying, "Guess what, Janey!! Me and my band were discovered by the head of Jet Electric
Records, who signed us up. We're to record our first album within the week and we're set for
a plane trip to The Whiskey A Go Go!! We finally got our big break!!"
"Well, congrats, Trent, it looks like it finally happened," said the Lane gal, who winked at
a doubtful Daria.
At The Pizza King, Jane asked, "So any further doubts 'bout that eye, Daria? You wished you
know what to wish for, it came to mind, you wished that Trant would make it big in the recording
industry and lo and behold, Mysitk Sprial's on the way to stardom."
"Jane, I mean it," said the testy outcast, "I woon't tell you again, what happened was just a coincidence,
a fluke, I mean, I could've remembered what to wish for, but Trent making it big, that could've been
freak luck. plain and simple."
"OK, funny gal," said the Lane gal, "let's see you come up with a wish you truly want to come true--
something real big."
"Something real big, huh?" said the auburn, whose cell phone rang; upon picking it up, Helen's voice was heard
on the other end, and in anguish saying, "Daria, you've got to hurry over to Lawndale Cedars, FAST!! Your
dad had another heart problem, and Dr. Philips says it's unlikely he'll make it!! Quinn's with me and she's hysterical,
for which I don't blame her!! Better hurry over fast, for the end!!"
Hearing that, Daria paled for a moment, and out of habit, said, "I wish dad would pull through."
Again, there was that flash of light which took everyone by surprise and they wondered what it was and Jane said,
"See? You made your third wish. Who was that one for, Jakey? What's happened?"
"Another heart problem, like before, like the kind Quinn thought was a heart attack*," replied the brain.
"And you just just wished he would be cured," said the Lane gal. "Now you can't doubt The Eye Of Anubis now."
The outcast was ready to make another remark, when over her cell phone, were surprised voices and cheers of joy,
before Helen came back on, shouting, "Daria, you may not believe it, but it's a miracle!! Dr. Phillips just said your
dad'll pull through!! He said it was the strangest thing that ever happened.......that your dad was on the brink of death, only to fully recover and in perfect health!! We can thank our lucky stars for that."
"And a wish," said the outcast, out of habit. "Well, I'll be there soon as I finish up here," then hung up, to the surprise of the grinning Jane who said, "Any further doubts?"
"None that I can think of," said Daria, "and if you're right, we've got one last wish left so let's save it."
"Save it?" said Jane indignatly. "I say, go for it!! You could wish for another chance with Trent, maybe marry Tom, make it big in your writing and enroll in the biggest collage quicker, I say use your wish!!"
No way, funny gal," said the auburn. "I say I save my wish."
"Use it!!" said the Lane gal.
"Save it!!" said the outcast.
"Use it!!" said Jane.
"Save it!!" shot back the brain.
At that moment, there was a commotion from across the room, where at a different booth, Kevin and Brittany was arguing, as the other cheerleaders Nikki, Lisa and Angie were supporting the blonde's verbal barrage, all of which was now grating on Daria and Jane's nerves, until the brain said, "Those two were born immature.....I wish they were never born at all."
Suddenly, the auburn, realizing what she had said, tried to take back her words, but once again, there was the flash.....and then Kevin and Brittany shimmered out of sight..........and then a strange morphing took place, with the uniforms of Brittany's fellow cheerleaders morphing into ordinary street outfits, something like The Fashion Club would wear.
"Now look what you did!!" said Jane, "You wasted your fouth and last wish!!"
"So?" said the outcast. "It's two less dum dums Lawndale's got to deal with. I mean, what could happen with out Footballs For Brains and the Queen of Pom Poms?"
"Good question," said the Lane gal, "what could happen?"
In the morning, that question was answered when Daria and Jane arrived at Lawndale High and found that instead of the football field used by The Lawndale Lions, there was a building for four Olympic sized pools, which had a banner above the main entrance reading, HOME OF THE LAWNDALE LIONS SWIM TEAM.
"Wow," said the Lane gal, "where'd Ms Li get the money to pay for something like that?"
"For that matter," said the outcast, "if Kevin and Brittany saw that built on the footfall field, they'd be having fits."
"Kevin and Brittany?" said Quinn, who was passing by. "Never heard of them."
"You know," said the auburn, "I should know better, but what happened to The Lawndale Lions Football stadium?"
"You don't remember?" said the redhead. "Our football team was so woefully inept, according to Mack who was the QB at the time, and try as he might to lead the team, the Lions never won a single fooball game, till it got so bad that Ms. Li disbanded the team as well as its cheerleader squad, to the distress of their head cheerleader, Jodie. After that, the stadium was torn down and what remained was sold to raise the money for the pool building so that the Lions could be reorganized into a swim team."
"Wow," said Jane, amazed at what a difference a wish could make, while an equally Daria said, "I feel like Frank Capra."
Stunned by the revelation of the outcome, Daria had to admit that The Eye Of Anubis was for real, as well as its four wishes, now used up. But she was in a jubilant mood, because as she would explain it to Jane on the way home, "You know, in some ways, those wishes I made were the best ones that I had hoped for, so maybe it was the best thing that ever happened. But now that the wishes just got used up, let's get rid of that eye so no one can ever use it again."
With that in mind, the brain swung back and overhand tossed the cat's eye orb into a nearby junkyard.
"Oh, great, Daria," said Jane, "now you went and did it!! Whoever's next to discover that Eye will get four more
wishes......and now, it's my turn!!"
So saying, Jane ran to the junkyard.......while Daria discreetly reached in her pocket......and pulled out The Eye Of Anubis, then put it back, and ran off in the direction of the museam........
Well, oil's well that ends well, because for her safe delivery of The Eye back to the museam, Daria got 1000 dollars which she then put aside for her collage funds, so maybe it all happened for the best--if best is the word for it.
*From The Jake Of Hearts.
Calling all Little Miss Perfects, break out the wow wear.