Five Hours and Thirty-Seven Minutes
Thursday, January 29th
That's how long it had been. Just five hours and thirty-seven minutes... it felt
like a life time... how could it have only been five hours and thirty-seven
minutes. Deep breath. Just breath. She's gone. She's really gone. Stop. Just stop.
I can't think about that right now. I have to focus. I've been sitting here too
long as it is. What would she do? Think... I need to salt and burn the body. Need
to... just in case... god.... I feel sick. How can I even think about this. She's
Five hours and thirty-eight minutes. Stop crying. Stop it. She's gone. She's gone
and it was my fault. What was I thinking. I'm so stupid. I got my mom killed and
What am I going to do... I wish time would just stop. Why won't it stop. I just
want to go back. I want to take it back. "What do I do now? I can't do this with
out you." Stop crying already. You know she'll tell you to stop it. You have to
focus. The thing that killed her is still out there. That evil son-of-a-bitch.
Stop think. You can't go off half-cocked. You'll get yourself killed too. Ok
breath. Think. Have to take care of the body. You've done this before.
But it's my mom...
Stop can't let my feelings get in the way of the job. That's the first rule
remember. Just like she taught you. If I had listened maybe this wouldn't have
happened. If I had just listened to her... she was right and I ignored her. Why
didn't I listen? It's my fault. Stop.
But I can't it's my fault. She got tortured and killed because I messed up. I
trusted him and he killed her. God what he did to her. Look at her. Mom....
How could anyone do that. She was so beautiful now... Stop. Gotta control my
emotion. Gotta get a grip. She taught you better than that. Focus. Stop dwelling
you've been doing that for Five hours and thirty-nine minutes already.
"It's time." I need to take care of the body. Then I need to hunt that son-of-a-
bitch demon down and send him back to hell where he belongs.
I can't do this.
Just pick her up. Take her outside. It will all be over soon.
How could I let this happen. She trained me better than this. Now look at her.
She's broken. She's all cut up and broken. Stop crying.... why can't I stop?
Mom.... I'm sorry. "I'm so sorry."
There's blood on my hands. It's hers. Her blood... it's every where... I'm going to
Five Hours and forty-two Minutes... I was right... and I still feel sick. It feels
like the whole world is spinning. I have to get a grip. I'm wasting time. I can't
change what happened. Can't bring her back.
Look at her... I need to clean her up. I can't leave her like that. A towel....
Five hours and fifty-four minutes... It doesn't even look like her any more. Her
face... "I'm so sorry, I swear Mom... I'll make him pay."
It's time. I have to do this now. I need to build a pyre. I have to do this right.
She would have wanted me to. Violent deaths can become ghosts... She wouldn't want
that. Have to handle this. I can do this.... I've done it before.... So why doesn't
it feel like I have? It's never been this before. It's my family. The only family I
had left. Now I'm alone. And I have to hold it together.
Six hours and twenty-seven minutes, she's really gone. Deep breath. Just breath.
She's gone. You need to light the fire. Need to get this over with.....