Colors, What will you miss when its gone?

[jj'sgirl]

hi babe, I love it so far.

Writing the Winchesters when they are not really connecting with each other is so hard, but you seem to be a master at it. "Ucomfortably comfortable with it" as some might say. LOL. You've got them to a tee. Their emotions and seperate heartaches and the fracturing dynamic between the two of them.

Two thumbs way up. I'd give you two big toes up, but I'm cold and that would mean that I had to take my socks off. LOL. DAmn, I think it's past my bed time again. LOL.

Anyway, awesome sweetie. Great start.

Oh, and Ps. Loved this. He was spiraling down a dark hole, into a bottomless pit without a parachute, and no one could save him. He didn’t know how long he could keep on the brave face for Sam, his armor was already cracking, and he was loosing the race of being able to repair the cracks before more appeared, and Sam could see right through him.

That has fot to be one of the best, if not the best, description of Dean at that time that I've read. Loved it. Hugs. JJ

[aworland]

great so far i love it

i may have missed it but where does the tele come inti the story or is it to do with
shades of gray thing and black and white good and evil

[digital_bean]

To say John's death was devastating for the Winchesters would be an understatement. Dean's already breaking down and it's worrying to see him push away Sam so. I hate to see them like this, but at the same time I really love the way you wrote it and am anxious to see how things are going to unravel in the next couple of days.

This story is wonderful Deanwinchesterfan1985, I'm eager to read the next chapter. I hope Dean's okay, he has hypothermia doesn't he?

[jennmbc]

Hey Candace!

Yes I went to the con last weekend, it was great. If you ever get a chance to go, do so. The boys look so much better in person if you can believe that.

I feel so bad for Dean but I think you described his feelings perfectly. I'm glad Sam found Dean when he did, or he'd get hypothermia.

I really hope Dean will open up to Sam, but I also hope for world peace, both of which are highly unlikely. Unless you make is to (Dean opening up, not world peace.)

Can't wait for the next update!!!

[JarAck27]

This is some seriously powerful stuff. The attention to detail, the way Sam and Dean's stories are perfectly balanced, the insight into Dean's feelings...WOW
can't wait for next chapter and to see what happens between them

[ziggy]

Brilliant chapter Candace, you captured Dean's emotions perfectly there, how lost and desolate he was feeling at John's death and the deal he made, and how it was affecting him physically as well as emotionally! And deep down he knows he needs Sam to get through this.

And poor Sam is really being affected by Dean's moods, he is suffering too but the one person he can talk to about it is pushing him away, whether it's intentional or not!

Awesome writing Candace, you have got into the boys minds so well, are you sure you don't have them hidden away somewhere!

One thing though Candace, how can you call the impala inconspicuous!

Sarah

[Oceane]

How heartbreaking it is to have Dean so emotionally broken.
I'm glad that Sam is there for his brother.
What a poignant story, amazing work Candace, can't wait to know what you've in store for the brothers

[irisheyes]

Awesome start, Candace. I love it.

Can't wait to find out how Sam's gonna help him out of this. He seems so lost.

[Irishgirl]

Great update!!! I loved the description of the place they're staying at. Poor Dean breaking down like that just makes me want to hug him. Please update soon!

[jensenishot]

AWWWWWWWWW!!!!!! Pooor Deano!! Your not weak!!

I loved it!!! it was amazing cant wait for more!!!!

[iluvsprntrl]

i love the way you write Dean, just brilliant!

looking forward to the next update.

[Usagy]

That was great, I agree with everyone, I really like the way you capture the brothers emotions. It was great.

and yess you know me Am always wanting more more more more

[YankeeFan87]

i love all your stories, and im loving this one! update soon please : )

[Deanwinchesterfan1985]

Once again you guys flatter me with your wonderful reviews...thank you all so much! I'm glad that everyone is enjoying this story so much so far...it has been interesting to write...with the brothers being the way they are right now it is harder than I thought it would be...but I'm glad that it is coming out in an enjoyable way for everyone. Hope everyone had a wonderful Monday and that you have a wonderful Tuesday as well...hope everyone enjoys this next one as well. Thanks again for all the reviews everyone!

--Candace

JJ--Hey hon, I'm glad that you are enjoying this one so far. I'm glad that you feel like I'm getting the boys down well...I'm having a hard time actually getting the boys emotions down and trying to play it out the way I think it should be after John died...I'm flattered that you think I'm a master at it...had me chuckling actually because I honestly don't feel the same way...but thank you. I'm also glad you enjoyed that paragraph of Dean...I just kind of put in how I would feel if I were in the same position...I have felt that way before and depended on my little brother to help me out of it...so...anyway hope you enjoy this next one as well. Thanks for the review!

Aworland--I'm glad that you enjoyed the last chapter...you're confused on where this takes place? It takes place right after Bloodlust and before Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things. Where things are still tense for the brothers and Dean is still struggling with John's death. The whole shades of gray thing/black and white was something that happened in Bloodlust...Gordon said all hunting should be black and white but with the vampires that drank animals blood Sam showed Dean that there were gray areas. Anyway hope that helped. Thanks for the review!

Digital_Bean--I'm always excited to hear from someone new...I'm glad that you are enjoying this one so far...it is going to be interesting. And John's death was devestating for the boys, both of them are struggling very hard with it and trying to cope in their own way. Dean's way is by pushing Sam away...and Sam is trying desperately to cling to the only family he has left. Kind of like two magnets pushing against each other isn't it? LOL. I'm glad that you like the way I have written them in this story...it hasn't been the easiest thing I've ever done but I always enjoy a challenge. Hope you enjoy this next one as well...oh and you can call me Candace everyone else does. And I was debating on giving Dean hypothermia...wrote it in but changed my mind...he'll be fine. Thanks for the review!

Jenn--That is so exciting about the con I'm glad that you had a good time. Unfortunately unless they ever come to Utah I doubt I'll be able to afford to go see them...I can't afford to spend thousands of dollars for a couple days...which is what it would cost me. They really look better in person huh? Hmm...wouldn't think that is possible...but I believe you. I'm glad that you enjoyed the last chapter...even if it is hard to see Dean like this. But I'm glad that you feel like I have gotten his emotions down. It is harder than I thought it would be...but you know me...I love a challenge! World peace or getting Dean to open up? I honestly think world peace would be easier. LOL. Get a clipboard...LOL. Thanks for the review!

Ash--I'm glad that you are enjoying this story so far. I'm glad that you are enjoying every aspect of this story...with the details and the boys different stories...it has been interesting and at times harder than I thought it would be but I've really enjoyed working on it. I hope you continue to enjoy it. Thanks for the review!

Sarah--Shh! Want to give away the secret that I keep the boys under my bed...I mean...oops. LOL. I'm glad that you enjoyed the last chapter...and that you feel like I got Dean's emotions down well...that means a lot since I am finding it harder than I thought it would be at times. And how could I say that about the impala? Well...it is a classic but most people don't stare at it like a whole bunch of crazy fan girls would...LOL. I know that I personally would be jumping up and down in delight...that's just me...I love the impala...totally sweet ride! I'm glad that you feel like I've gotten Sam down well as well. Hope you enjoy this next one as well. Thanks for the review!

Oceane--I'm glad that you enjoyed the last chapter...and that you are finding it so poignant. It has been hard to write Dean while he is so emotionally broken to be honest...but I've really enjoyed the challenge of it...it has been interesting to say the least...and it is a good thing that he has Sam...otherwise who knows what would happen to our sarcastic and wise cracking older brother? Hope you enjoy this next chapter as well. Thanks for the review!

Claire--I'm glad that you are enjoying this one so far. Well as for Sam helping Dean...this story will help a bit but I doubt they are going to have any huge heart to hearts in it because that happens in Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things and this story happens before that. Besides they will have other problems to deal before too long. LOL. Thanks for the review!

Irishgirl--I'm glad that you enjoyed the last chapter...and I'm glad that you enjoyed the description of the bungalow. I appreciate that...I wasn't able to get much from the pictures I found...but I'm glad that it was enjoyable for you. Dean really is struggling with this...but...well lets just say that soon they will have other things on their minds. Hope you enjoy this next one. Thanks for the review!

Holly--I'm glad that you enjoyed the last chapter. And no Dean isn't really weak...he's just...well he's struggling. The darkest hour is before the dawn right...not that the dawn will come in this story...that comes in Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things...sad...but I'm not touching that...I enjoyed that bit too much to try and twist it with my own add ons...so no huge heart to hearts...sad. Thanks for the review!

Kajal--I'm glad that you are enjoying this story so far...and that you like the way I have written Dean so far. It has been a bit of a challenge...more than I'm used to I'll admit but I have enjoyed it a lot! It has been fun. Hope you continue to enjoy it. Thanks for the review!

Alex--I'm glad that you enjoyed the last chapter...and that you feel like I capture both boys emotions well. Like I have said that means a lot since I find it quite a challenge to do...especially getting inside Dean's head to try and figure out what he must be dealing with after John's death...it is a lot harder than I thought it would be but I've had a lot of fun with it so far...I hope you change your mind about your own story...just thought I'd try one more time *hint hint*...hope you enjoy this next one as well. Thanks for the review!

YankeeFan87--I'm always excited to hear from someone new...I'm glad that you are enjoying this one...and that you have enjoy my other stories as well. I hope you continue to enjoy it. Thanks for the review!








Chapter 3

Dean was beginning to fight Sam by the time they reached the porch to the bungalow, his body still trembling from the cold, but he was pulling away from Sam’s body, although he was so weak from the cold that it wasn’t having much effect right now. Sam tightened his grip and shot his brother a hard glare before opening up the door and hauling his brother inside.

“I really should take you to the hospital Dean…”

Dean glared at him, but allowed Sam to lead him to the only chair in the room, a yellowing white one. He sank limply into it, his body feeling extremely heavy for some reason…he was vaguely aware of Sam taking off his boots and removing his wet socks. Shivers continued to work their way up and down his spine, making his body tremble.

“Dean, we need to get you out of those wet clothes.” Sam said looking up seriously to Dean, his eyebrows knitting together in the middle of his forehead.

Dean blinked, his eyes unfocused as he stared at Sam.

Sam sighed and stood up from his crouch on the floor, and pulled Dean to his feet once more, staggering slightly as Dean fell forward against him.

“Shit, Dean.” Sam muttered under his breath and tried to steady them both. He gave up a moment later and decided to get them to the bedroom where it would be easier to work, at least he could get Dean lying down in there.

Decision made, Sam wrapped one of Dean’s arms around his own broad shoulders and one of his own arms around his brother’s waist and led his brother to the bedroom. Once again Dean offered no resistance, merely leaned against his brother, totally dependent on him, his head hanging limply on his neck, his chin touching his chest, his eyes blinking slowly.

“Come on Dean…help me out here dude.” Sam grumbled under his breath in between sharp pants from the strain of dragging around his brother’s dead weight. Dean didn’t respond.

Sam managed to drag his brother’s limp form to one of the unoccupied beds, hastily brushing off Dean’s duffel and getting Dean to lie down on it. Dean didn’t argue, didn’t speak, didn’t even blink as Sam struggled to get Dean’s wet jeans off his legs before working on his button up and t-shirts, leaving him clad in nothing but his boxers.

Sam didn't waste time in getting Dean settled under warm blankets, the trembling soon stopped and Dean fell into an easy sleep. Sam sat on the other bed, watching Dean with guarded eyes, his mind spinning. When he had returned to the bungalow to find it empty he had panicked, he had had the car so Dean couldn’t have gotten that far…but still with the way Dean was acting…

He had scanned the area, found Dean’s note and headed out into the pouring rain to find his brother. Dean’s boots had left shallow prints in the mud, but they were hard to follow as they were quickly being filled with rainwater by the time Sam had headed out to the empty field.

The river had seemed the most obvious place to find his brother, that was after all where the last body had been found. Dean’s note had been hasty but it had given Sam the idea that Dean had gone to scout the terrain on his own, to see the ground they would have to cover in this hunt, and possibly what they were hunting.

It was that thought that had sent Sam’s heart thrumming like a humming bird. He hadn’t even bothered with a jacket of his own; he had torn out of the bungalow and ran like a mad man through the field next to the porch, his eyes scanning desperately for his brother.

He hadn’t felt any better when he had found him though, broken and alone out by the river, trembling as cold chills shook his body. He was so out of it by the time that Sam reached him…Sam was sure that hypothermia had set it, but from the looks of his brother now…he wasn’t sure.

Dean had the comforter and several other blankets pulled up to his chin, his head turned to the side so he was facing Sam. His skin was still a little pale, but it was warmer to the touch, Sam prayed desperately that he had gotten to Dean soon enough that hypothermia hadn’t set in and that Dean would be fine after a good night’s rest.

Sam wasn’t remotely hungry now, and grocery shopping could be put off until tomorrow when Dean was feeling better. Sam scoffed at that, what Dean was recovering from wouldn’t simply go away over night, hell it hadn’t gone away or even started to improve for over a month. If anything it had gotten worse with time.

Dean had become reckless, like he didn’t care what happened to him, like he didn’t deserve to live. Sam’s head spun with the idea of loosing his brother…he wouldn’t be able to handle it. He was barely holding together over John’s death…but if he lost Dean too…he wouldn’t be able to handle it at all.

Mary’s death…well he couldn’t remember it. Sure he loved her, he had always loved her, and wished desperately at several points in his life that he had been able to get to know her. But it wasn’t very painful for him because he had no memories of her, except for that time back in Lawrence, in their old house. He hadn’t missed the hurt in Dean’s eyes when Mary had all but ignored him and focused solely on Sam.

Then there had been Jess…her death he remembered very clearly, and part of him still hurt deeply for her. Dean had been there for that though, had helped him get through it, something he wouldn’t have been able to do if it hadn’t been for Dean. Of that Sam was sure, Dean had helped him every tiny step of the way.

And things finally led to that fateful night where all three of them were holed up in that cabin in the woods, John in the other room resting and Dean opening up, confessing that the things he was willing to do or kill for his family, how it scared him sometimes. It didn’t scare Sam, in fact he was grateful to his brother, grateful that Dean had ignored him and brought the colt with them to rescue John, otherwise Sam might have left some brain matter on the asphalt that day.

Then the horror of seeing Dean being literally ripped apart right before his eyes, and not able to do anything to help him. Even his abilities…they hadn’t been strong enough to help his brother, and Dean had been dying right in front of him. The helpless look in Dean’s eyes, the way he begged with their possessed father…the blood trickling from Dean’s mouth, his head falling forward limply as Dean lost his fight with staying conscious.

And the whole car ride…well what there was of it, Sam had been tempted to watch his brother the entire time they were in the car…almost had. If it hadn’t been for John. The blood had continued to fall from Dean’s lips, adding more red to Dean’s already crimson stained shirt. But that wasn’t what had concerned Sam the most; it had been the broken look in Dean’s eyes…the dead look. There had been no bit of Dean in them…almost as if Dean had already died and all that was left behind was an empty shell.

The whole hospital thing had been something else as well…seeing his brother like that…living off the machines. It was never something that Sam had handled well…he had seen Dean hurt several times because of what they did but it never got any easier. And this time Dean had almost not come back…one minute he was dying, and the next he was awake, miraculously healed, baffling the doctors and Sam alike.

John, however, had seemed totally unsurprised at Dean’s sudden recovery. It had made Sam somewhat suspicious but his anger over the fact that John had mysteriously disappeared the night before overpowered that. So he had tried to pick a fight, had tried to get John to admit what he had done to both of them…so Dean could see…

Sam regretted that now, he had been somewhat shocked when John had asked them if they could not fight…said that he didn’t know why the fought half the time. Just butting heads as he had put it. Sam had to admit now that most of the fights they had were childish and stressful for everyone…but Dean especially. Sam could see that now, the hurt look in Dean’s eyes when Sam and John would scream at each other, the way they wouldn’t talk to each other for days afterward and it would be up to Dean to patch them together…

It wasn’t fair, but that was the way it had been, and now there was nothing to patch up…because John was gone. Dean was beyond repair and all Sam could do was stand there and let his brother know that he hadn’t given up on him, wait patiently and hope to God that Dean would patch himself together again…no one could do it but Dean.

Sam had already tried to get Dean to open up but Dean had deliberately turned the conversation against him, had made Sam feel abashed and ashamed at the way he had acted right before John had passed. It was true that he was still having issues, and he had finally admitted that to Dean…but Dean, well he hadn’t said anything.

It was suffocating Dean, smothering him to the point of collapse and still he wouldn’t talk to Sam about it…determined to keep up the strong front as though Sam couldn’t see right through it. Deep down he was sure that Dean knew that Sam wasn’t convinced about the whole ‘I’m fine’ front…Dean was anything but ok. So far from ok that it scared him…if he couldn’t get through to his brother soon, if he couldn’t get his brother to break the dark surface of his mind, of that hard shield that Dean hid behind, Sam was going to loose him. Of that, he had no doubt, but he was determined to get through to his brother long before that happened…he wouldn’t loose Dean too…he couldn’t.

[jensenishot]

Awww that was Amazing!!

I loved it!!

More soon Candace!