Title: A Good Kind of Pain
Characters: Sam and Castiel with mentions of Dean, Lisa, and Ben.
Rating/Warnings: R. AU, Strong Language, Violence, OOC.
Summary: Sam doesn't tell Dean that he's back from Hell.
A/N: Thanks to Judy for betaing and to anyone who reads this. Also, Sam does have his soul in this fic.
Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or anything you recognize. Eric Kripkie owns it all except this story.
Words: 738 words without title and ending.
*A Good Kind of Pain*
When Sam came back from Hell, it was the same day as when he first went in. He never told Dean that he was back from Hell, and has decided that he never will tell his brother.
For over a year, he had watched as Dean lived an apple-pie life with Lisa and Ben, the kind of life that Sam knew Dean always wanted but would never let himself have.
His brother's dream of finally having a family was coming true and Sam knew that he would do whatever he could if it meant that Dean got to continue being happy, even if it meant staying out of his brother's sight for the rest of his life.
One night, Dean almost got attacked by a nest of vampires who had wanted revenge for his killing their leader two years ago, but Sam had slipped in, silent and unnoticed and took out most of the nest with a few skilled moves that Dean had taught him a few years ago.
Dean had killed a few of the vampires himself, before Sam had gotten there. At one point though, Dean had gotten knocked out and before he had regained consciousness, Sam had left the house before he could be noticed. He had hung around outside to make sure Dean had been okay and when he knew that his brother was alright, Sam had split.
He knew that Dean constantly wondered if Castiel was the one who had helped him, saved him. However, because of a promise Castiel had made, the angel never let Dean know that Sam was alive and was the one who had saved him.
When Sam came back, the first thing he had done, was to make Castiel promise to never tell Dean that he was alive. It had taken a while to get the angel to agree. A month and a half in fact, but in the end, it had worked because Sam had insisted that it was better this way.
When the angel had asked why and had voiced his concern at the pain that both he and Dean were going through, Sam had simply shaken his head and said, "It's better this way, Cas. This way Dean can live the life he's always wanted. Dean's always wanted a family and now he has one."
Castiel had then pointed out that Sam was Dean's family too. "You're his brother, Sam. You're more his family than Lisa and Ben will ever be, because you're blood. Dean misses you and he would want to know that you're alive. I'm sure it would save him a lot of pain."
Sam had shaken his head then he said, "The pain Dean's going through now is nothing compared to what he would go through if he knew I was alive. He would give up what has finally become his life and I could never ask him to do that."
Castiel had stared at him and then after several moments of silence, he said, "It's doesn't make you a bad person to want to be in your brother's life again. If anything, it makes you more human."
Castiel had paused again then he had continued. "I know this is hurting you too, Sam. So why would you want to keep causing yourself this pain? I see how sad you get every night when you watch Dean with Lisa and Ben. It's not right to torture yourself this way. Dean wouldn't want you to do this."
Sam had only turned his back on Castiel and turned his attention to his brother once more. He had stood outside the Braeden house, one of over three hundred times and had watched as Dean and his small family ate dinner.
The pain he had felt at watching his brother live his life, had pulled at Sam's heart and his guts. It had taken everything he had in him, to not let Dean know the truth.
When a comforting hand had landed on his arm, Sam had turned his attention back to the angel. "I know that you don't understand, Cas, but this is a good thing. The pain I'm feeling is a good kind of pain. It lets me know I'm doing the right thing."
With those last words, the youngest Winchester had turned and walked away into the still night and at that moment Castiel finally learned what family meant.