Father Figure, 7.10 Death's Door - series of drabbles

[bjxmas]

7.10 Death’s Door tag – A series of drabbles

For ucat42 who inspired me to take a trek inside Bobby’s custard

Father Figure

Chapter One – Best Laid Plans

I never wanted to be a dad.

Never wanted to extend the line.

Figured I’d be just like him.

A drunk and a bully.

Worthless.

It was all I knew.

It took two young boys.

Kids who needed someone to stand up for them.

A reflection of me at that age.

Scared, alone, lost.

John’s abuse was more neglect.

Unreasonable expectations.

Lost himself.

I found myself looking out for them.

Like no one did for me.

All it took was the first glimmer of hope.

That first hesitant smile.

To hell with all my plans.

Those boys were mine now.

The End

bjxmas

December 2011

All standard disclaimers apply.

How much do I love Bobby? I love him as my own uncle, as that force of good in the boys’ lives, as a hero and a man worthy. His gruff ways only make me love him more because he is a man you can depend on. A man who can bring the Winchesters to the verge of shattering because he is that important in their lives. Bobby made a difference…and he still does. We can’t lose Bobby, we can’t!

I hadn’t planned on writing…was too immersed in the moment of the most gloriously passionate and heartfelt episode of Season Seven and then Caroline urged me on and got me thinking. So I guess, as time permits, I’ll be writing a series of drabbles from Bobby’s perspective. These days that seems to be about the only writing I can manage, something short and to the point.

I hope you enjoy. Please leave a comment if it moves you or if you simply want to join in the Bobby-love and vigil. January 6th is a long way off…

Later, B.J.

[aislinn]

Wonderful.

[bjxmas]

Thanks, aislinn!

These drabbles are addictive. It's nice digging through their heads because all our Winchesters have deep thoughts...they just don't always voice their concerns.

Later, B.J.

[lilwinchester]

Thanks for this. It is so sweet and even though Bobby is a grumpy old man he cares so much for the boys. Thank you for pointing that out!

[bjxmas]

Thanks! I think Bobby's love for the boys is so evident, it amazes me when some can't see it. Idjits was the perfect way for him to say I love you and the boys totally got it and feel the same way.

More soon...

B.J.

[bjxmas]

Chapter Two - Loss Bleeds Over Us All

John's an ass.

We've all had loss.

All seen things no one should ever see.

He's not alone in this.

He's got those boys.

Boys who have lost even more.

I know he loves 'em.

But he needs to be there.

Quit this running around, risking his life,

Trying his damnedest to get himself killed.

He dies and leaves those boys alone and I'm gonna kill him!

I'm not father material.

But if he's not gonna be there then I damn well will!

They're good kids.

I'd be proud to call them my own.

They sure as hell deserve better!

The End

bjxmas

December 2011

All standard disclaimers apply.

For the record, I love John but I am not blind to his faults. I think that's one of the hardest things to reconcile, how he did love his boys, how they obviously loved him, and how Dean with no one else to hold firm to idolized him. It is what boys do; they look to their fathers to see how to be a man. John was lost so much of the time, buried in grief and unable to dig out. In that respect he failed them. But with the help of Bobby, they raised good men, strong men, heroes able to do the job.

Thank goodness Sam and Dean had Bobby to temper the harshness of their lives. He gave them what sense of normal they ever had, the chance to throw a ball or watch a movie, a place to call home. John was too consumed by the terror of what was coming for his boys to offer them that refuge. John's main concern was training them and keeping them alive. Bobby's main concern was giving them a life.

Bobby was such a powerful force in their lives and now we know with certainty that they were just as powerful in his. They became family.

Thanks for reading, comments?

Later, B.J.

[bjxmas]

Chapter Three – Second Chance

I loved Karen.

More than I ever thought I could love someone.

That last fight.

Her tears.

Angry words lashing out.

Biggest regret of my life.

Never got the chance to right that wrong.

Never explained.

Never shared.

I always knew I didn’t want kids.

Never understood the need.

For me, family wasn’t a good thing.

Being a son.

Being a father.

All I knew was pain.

Fear.

Shame.

Why continue the cycle?

Then I met the boys.

Everything changed.

I felt the love.

Understood that pride.

It was good.

That’s when I knew what being a dad could be.

The End

bjxmas

December 2011

All standard disclaimers apply.

And that’s when the boys knew what it meant to have someone on their side. Someone not as immersed in the pain, someone able to attend to their needs. Bobby kept the boys from falling into that same pit of despair that John succumbed to. He gave them a home, in the physical sense with a homebase at the salvage yard and in his house, and in his heart, a place of refuge and comfort when needed.

Happy Holidays!

B.J.

[bjxmas]

Chapter Four – Lucky in Love

John’s lucky.

He’s got himself two fine boys.

A part of Mary to hold tight to.

Me…

I got nothin’.

A dead wife…no family.

I wish I could take back that fight.

Tell her we’d have a ton of rugrats.

Then I’d have something to remember her by.

She’d have made a great mom.

Those boys need a mother’s touch.

Instead they’re saddled with two broken men.

I get so damn furious with John.

I know he’s hurting…

We’re all hurting.

But those boys.

They need someone.

Someone to look out for them.

Guide them.

Love them.

I’ll be there.

The End

bjxmas

December 2011

All standard disclaimers apply.

I love that Bobby was there for them. That he loved them as his own and gave them
the support they needed. I always wonder what the fight was between Bobby and
John that caused him to cock the shotgun and made Dean question whether they
should come to Bobby at the end of S1. I’m pretty sure the fight was about the
boys, about how John was raising them or treating them. I think Bobby was
standing up for them…which would just put Dean in that hard place between two men he loved,
appreciating that Bobby cared, but never wanting to go against his dad.

Thanks for reading and reviews would be nice. – B.J.

[bjxmas]

Chapter Five – Heroes and Cowards

Dean was ten when he asked me why John and I were always fighting.

Bristling against each other, at odds.

How do you tell a kid his dad’s an idiot?

How do you take away the man he looks up to?

I couldn’t.

Not when I knew how much love was there.

That’s what made it so hard on Dean.

He needed to believe in John.

Needed to believe that all their sacrifice meant something.

Needed a hero.

John was, in his way.

But he was also a failure.

Retreating from their love like a coward.

Scared of more loss.

The End

bjxmas

December 2011

All standard disclaimers apply.

I still love John, always have, always will. But he was messed up at times. The true tragedy here is the family man who was destroyed on November 2, 1983…the dad that was and would have been, the man Dean gleefully rushed into his welcoming arms. As a marine I think John hardened his heart and ignored the pain he caused his sons, fought Bobby on the details of their upbringing, turning into that drill sergeant and abandoning a father's loving care in favor of not chancing another loss.

Bobby was in a tough spot, watching out for the boys without pissing John off too much, without risking that John would pack up the boys and he’d never see them again.

Thanks for reading. Later, B.J.

[bjxmas]

So much for word control…this is a triple drabble. Yep, you heard right, 300 words. This is Bobby we’re talking about, he can damn well use as many words as he wants to get his message across! He don’t follow the rules, he makes the rules…or breaks them with intent!

Chapter Six – Sophie’s Choice

Some damn fool asked me which one of the boys I loved the most.

Idjit!

It’s not a contest.

I sure as hell ain’t the grand prize.

I love ‘em both, dammit!

They’re different, each their own man.

Each deserving of being treated as such.

It's true, Dean reminds me of me.

That ain’t always a good thing, but it means I get him.

I still screw up, push when I should sit back and wait,

Let him get to it in his own time.

Sam, well, he’s somethin’!

Tends to surprise me, catch me off guard.

Oh, we’re alike too, in our love of books, in digging for the truth.

They both have anger in them.

Riled up by the injustice, in their lives…in the world.

Dean tends to blow up, the belligerent one…

That is, when it’s someone other than his dad.

That’s where he was most like me.

Quiet, reverent…scared.

Leery of losing that special bond.

Sam, well, he tends to push.

Demand attention, demand his rights.

Sometimes I think he was trying to raise John’s ire.

I think Sam felt a little lost.

Torn between worshiping big brother and trying to compete.

His input not needed.

Which one do I love the most?

Both!

When they need it and how they need it.

I love ‘em with everything I got.

There’s more than enough love to go around.

Could I ever choose between them?

No.

Never.

I’d die first.

For both of them.

I’d fight heaven and hell to save either of them.

I have.

And I would again.

I’d take on a dozen reapers…a hundred.

I’d face down Death himself to stay.

To keep them from losing one more person in their lives.

They mean that much.

Not gonna leave ‘em now.

The End

bjxmas

December 2011

All standard disclaimers apply.

We still don't know the outcome, what Bobby's decision was, but I'm guessing he drank the beer or poured it out. With Dean on the verge of cracking and Sam's wall cracked and letting Hell through...nope, Bobby would not leave his boys. He's watching over them and always will.

Man, I love this show and all The Winchesters. Uncle Bobby is special, to them and to us.

Thanks again, B.J.

[bjxmas]

Chapter Seven – I Need a Hero

A boy should have a father he respects.

Someone to admire.

A man he wants to be like.

Dean looks up to John.

Hell, he idolizes him.

The boy’s got a big heart.

Forgives all the times John’s not there.

Rationalizes the cruel words and slights.

John’s all he’s got to hold on to.

Everything else stripped away.

It may not be right.

But I can’t shatter that bond.

I can’t tell him he’s wrong.

Tell him his father’s just as lost as he is.

What good would that do?

Taking away the last hope he has to cling to?

The End

bjxmas

December 2011

All standard disclaimers apply.

Bobby always was a wise one. Able to relate to Dean and his needs. His focus on the boys first, the job second. John just got twisted up in the job too much and failed to see the harm he was causing his sons. There was more in their lives that could hurt them besides monsters...

Thanks for reading, reviews welcome.