Hi Everyone, I"m formally Adder574 and I have been absent from the fan fic world for awhile. Time was a factor but motivation was also lacking. This season was very disappointing for me, and I found it hard to concentrate on my writing. So, I signed up for a Between the Lines challenge at hoodie time, the forced me to write on a deadline to try and help my mojo return.
This was the result. I hope you enjoy.
The Truth Hurts
Summary: Why is Dean afraid to fly
Prompt: “Hey,” Sam said lowly, so as not to startle. “The nurse said you had a rough night.”
“They tied me down,” Dean slurred, and Sam could barely even look at him lying in that bed, let alone the restraints keeping him there. He ran a hand, gentle and useless, over the covers, smoothing them out.
Disclaimer: I still don't own.
A/N: I know that pastor Jim lives in Blue Earth, but for reasons that will become clear, for this story he lives in a town called Haven.
The Truth Hurts
“Hey,” Sam said lowly, so as not to startle. “The nurse said you had a rough night.”
“They tied me down,” Dean slurred, and Sam could barely even look at him lying in that bed, let alone the restraints keeping him there. He ran a hand, gentle and useless, over the covers, smoothing them out.
“They had to,” Sam said gently, as not to startle his brother.
“Don’ wan’ be tie S’my.”
“I can’t take them off yet Dean,” Sam said helplessly.
“Don’ wan be tie S’my.”
“I know Dean.”
“Don’ like it. Don’ like it at all. Off!” Dean pulled at the padded leather cuffs that were fastened around his wrist, each tug growing more and more frantic. “Take ‘em off. Now, S’my.” Dean ordered as he started trashing trying to get lose. The more he tried the more panicked he started to become.
“Come on Dean,” Sam pleaded helplessly. We don’t want the nurses coming in here.”
“Take ‘em off,” Dean begged again.
“Just try to relax.”
“Can’t. Take ‘em off.”
“I know Dean but...” he paused. Dean said he wouldn’t be able to relax so that meant he couldn’t. He was going to have to get the nurses to give Dean some more happy juice since what he had was wearing off and as of right now, Dean could only tell the truth and a hunter not being able to lie was bad. A hunter that was under a 72 hour truth spell while being held under a 72 hour psychiatric hold was definitely a nightmare.
Friggin witches
------
It was supposed to be an easy hunt as far as the creature was concerned. Two men and one woman, all young and healthy, had a panic attack on an airplane and later died in hospital of a heart attack. It wasn’t hard to find the connection. They had all flown on the same airplane that had one stewardess in common. It wasn’t hard to determine that they were dealing with a supernatural leech. Leeches were similar to strigha’s excepted they fed on fear. Like their counterparts they could only be killed with while they were feeding. Unlike the Strigha, it was a simple Latin ritual that was all that was required to stop them. Even getting Dean to agree to fly wasn’t as hard as Sam had anticipated. He was perfectly willing to play bait if it meant someone else didn’t have to.
What Sam or Dean hadn’t anticipated was that it was a trap for the elder Winchester. The creature zeroed in on Dean immediately. Neither brother thought much of it because that was what they were here for after all. It was when the chant didn’t work they realized that something was wrong. The creature was actually the daughter of a woman who claimed to be a witch. She was sacrificing innocent children in some messed up attempt to gain power. In the end, the woman didn’t have powers; she was just mentally ill and suffering from delusions. Her daughter had been taken and put into foster care. She had blamed Dean, for his “lies” about her mom. So she did, in fact, become a witch and hit Dean with a truth spell. When the spell resulted in the same story, the daughter, she hit Dean another spell that amplified all his fears.
Afterwards, a quick call to Bobby revealed that the spell would wear off in 72 hours and the fear spell in about 24 but the damage had been done. The spell worked and Dean’s panic became overwhelming and he freaked out for lack of a better word. He’d had to be subdued by 2 air marshals after he tried to open the emergency exit door and get out.
The spells working together in the end actually helped the Winchester brothers. Unable to lie, when the marshals questioned Dean about why, he admitted a very intense fear of flying. Which got him sent to a hospital instead of jail, and the amped up fear prevented people from anyone really getting a coherent answer out of Dean.
So that was where Sam was at. Dean was in the psych ward of a local hospital, and in restraints. The one thing Sam hadn’t realized was that Dean has as intense fear of being tied down as he did of flying. What Sam still didn’t know was why.
It was kind of scary, actually. His brother was lying in front of him in his bed, his wrists in padded cuffs and Sam literally had an open book. He could ask Dean anything and he would have to respond. With great power comes great responsibility, Sam thought to himself with a small smile. Dean would never forgive him if he asked all the questions running around in his head. The biggest problem was that the doctor in charge of Dean’s assessment had no morals. She was supposed to ask Dean the tough questions to determine if he was a danger to himself or others. If Dean couldn’t lie, well, they were truly and thoroughly screwed.
-------
The latest round of sedatives was wearing off and Sam knew that he couldn’t put off the shrinks forever. The best Sam could hope for was that he was going to be allowed in the room, during the questioning. Maybe he could do some damage control. At least the fear spell was wearing off.
“Good morning,” came a bright cheerful voice that Sam had been dreading. “I’m Dr. Charlotte Harper. “
“Morning,” Sam mumbled.
“What’s good about it,” Dean grumbled. “I’m tied down. I don’t need to be tied. “He started tugging on the restraints again.
“We will take them off when we know you’re not a danger to anyone.”
“I am danger to everyone,” Dean replied, literally not being able to stop himself. “But I don’t need to be tired down. Never hurt anyone that didn’t deserve it. ”
The doctor frowned and made a note on her chart.
Screwed, no they weren’t screwed. That didn’t even begin to cover it.
-----
“Why do you feel like you’re a danger to everyone Dean?” the Dr. Harper asked, her tone dripping with what Sam recognized as false concern.
“I hurt people,” Dean said simply.
“Can you tell me who you hurt?”
“No one,” Sam cut in.
Dr. Harper frowned again and Sam was tempted to tell her if she kept it up her face was going to freeze that way. “You are?”
“Sam. I’m Dean’s brother.”
“My little brother,” Dean emphasized. “I look after him. I try even if I don’t do such a good job sometimes.”
“Why do you think that Dean?” Sam had to admit he was curious about the answer to that one as well.
Dean hesitated. Sam knew that he was trying to resist the spell. This had to be killing his normally private brother. Dean held his secrets tighter than the pentagon. Unfortunately, the doctor read this as Dean not wanting to talk in front of his brother.
“Maybe you would feel more comfortable if Sam wasn’t in the room.”
“I’m staying,” the younger Winchester said firmly.
“NO!” Dean’s cry shocked everyone with how forceful it was. “Sammy has to stay,” he insisted. “I don’t want you to leave, Sammy,” he said directly to his brother and Sam had a feeling Dean wasn’t talking about just leaving the room.
“When someone sends Sammy away. He doesn’t come back.”
“Dean what are you talking about?” Sam asked before he could stop himself.
“Dad said if you were going to go you should stay gone. You stayed gone.”
“Are you talking about when I left for college?” Sam questioned in surprise.
“You left,” Dean accused. “I didn’t want you to go, Sammy.”
This had to be killing Dean. He knew his brother like the back of his hand and for him to be admitting stuff like this was taking its toll. The sad thing was, this was supposed to help Dean, but all it was going to do in the end was hurt him. Sam shouldn’t be around for Dean to spill all his most intimate secrets, but this bitch was just getting started. She should get to see this side of Dean if he truly didn’t want anyone to know.
“Why did your dad say Sam couldn’t come back?”
“We got into a fight. It was a misunderstanding,” Sam answered.
“I’m talking to your brother,” there was a slight hint of exasperation entering the tone.
“Why is this even important? Dean freaked out because he’s afraid to fly. Maybe that’s where we should focus,” Sam said trying to change the subject.
“I’m the expert here,” Dr. Harper said authoritatively. “Why Dean thinks he’s a danger to everyone is very important. Why do to you think that Dean?”
“I don’t think that,” Dean said and the Dr. frowned again. “I know it.”
“Why?”
“Because I mess up and people get hurt.”
“How do you mess up?”
“During hu…”
“Dean why are you afraid to fly,” Sam threw out. He knew he had no right to, but Dean couldn’t reveal what he had been about to. Why Dean didn’t like flying seemed pretty neutral.
“Mr. Win…”
“I always wanted to know Dean. Please tell me,” Sam interrupted again. If she called him Winchell, their fake alias, Dean would have corrected her.
For his part, Dean looked surprised by the question. He tried to stop himself from answering but the spell wouldn’t let him. He looked Sam, square in the eye, face glaring with betrayal that Sam would do this to him.
“It was the first time I screwed up,” Dean said honestly.
It was supposed to have been a safe question. It was supposed to help get them out of this mess. Not dig them deeper into it. He wasn’t prepared for what Dean revealed.
-----
1983
The yellow cab pulled up to the airport and dropped the young father by the front door, glad that it wasn’t him that had to deal with the two small boys. The younger cried nonstop and the older one just glared at everyone as if he was mad at the world. The only time he would speak was to whisper something in his dad’s ear. He would admit that he was happy to have them out of his cab.
John Winchester was travelling to a town called Haven to stay a friend of Missouri’s. He was a pastor or something. He knew that something had gotten his wife and he knew he was going to kill it. Jim agreed to teach him how. He supposed he should be driving but he needed to get to Blue Earth sooner rather than later. His ex-friend Mike had threatened to call social services on him if he didn’t get his act together. The bastard. The boys were just fine. Dean just needed time, not fancy shrinks that thought they were so superior to everyone because they had fancy paper on fancy walls in fancy offices that said they went to fancy schools. John Winchester had a title too. Father to Sam and Dean Winchester. That trumped everything else. He knew what was best for his boys. Missouri said she was on her way to visit Jim and she said she would drive the Impala for him.
This is why he found himself in the airport trying to deal with four suitcases, and infant seat with an infant and a barely speaking four year old in a crowded airport.
“Stay close, Dean,” John cautioned as he felt Dean grab the leg of his jeans. After getting bumped a few times, John found a luggage cart and stuck the suitcases on it. Put Dean on top of the suitcase, and the infant seat next to Dean, with instructions to hold on to Sam. He got a hint of a smile from his four year old as he started to push. Dean had always liked d riding in things.
Things started to go wrong immediately.
“Excuse me sir,” someone from airport security said.
John resisted the urge to groan. He didn’t need trouble. “Yes sir,” he said hoping he sounded respectful.
“We don’t allow people to ride on the luggage carts.” He pointed to a sign.
“I normally wouldn’t” John tried to explain. “It’s just that I can’t juggle the suitcases and the baby and hold onto my other son. It’s so crowded and we’ve already be bumped twice. I don’t want Dean to get lost.”
“It’s got be tough,” the security guard agreed. “Maybe your wife could help,” he suggested.
Dean perked up. “Is mommy here?” he asked and John wanted to kill the guy.
“No son, mommy is in heaven. Remember we talked about it.”
“I want mommy,” the little boy sniffed. Which, of course, set Sam off.
The guard felt terrible. Open mouth, insert foot. “I’m sorry. Why don’t you take the boys over to the security office? Many parents do that while they check in. You’re boys will be safe. I can’t allow them to ride on the carts. “
Not liking it, but not having any other choice, John did just that. He felt a little better since the check in counter was in clear view of the security office and they had a small play area set up. John comforted his youngest and then set them up over by the desk with strict instructions for Dean to watch out for Sammy.
If there was one decision John Winchester could have made differently it would be this one.
No one set out to hurt his boys and no one was even aware that there was any damage being done, that was just the way things worked out. It was just an innocent conversation between a father and his daughter.
“I can’t wait until the plane lands, Daddy,” the little girl said.
“Me either Ashley.”
“It was fun visiting Grandma and Grandpa, but I really miss mommy.”
“She’ll be in Haven waiting for us,” the father reassured his daughter.
“A week is a long time, isn’t it?” he father asked.
“Yeah, I don’t like when mommy has to go away and can’t come with us.”
The father reached leaned down and kissed his daughter on the forhead. “Me too. Mommy’s business trip is over, though and she’s going to meet us at the airport. “
“I can’t wait, daddy,” the little girl said again.
------
Neither could Dean. Daddy had said that he wouldn’t see mommy again for a long time, until he got to Haven. It had been a long time since the fire. Why didn’t Daddy say something? He knew how much Dean and Sammy wanted to see her. Wait. Daddy said he had a surprise waiting for the boys when they arrived. His friend Timmy’s parents had said that and Timmy had gotten a new puppy. Mommy was waiting in Haven.
When John returned to collect his boys, he found himself wondering if his eldest had been replaced by a pod person. He was more animated and talkative then he’d been in weeks.
“When do we get there Daddy? What’s the surprise? When do we get there Daddy? Who will be waiting for us? When does the plane land? Where did the plan land again. What’s Haven like? When will we get there?
That was all John heard through the three hour flight. Normally, it would have gotten on his last nerve but Dean had been so sullen and withdrawn John was willing to take anything. Although the young couple beside them looked annoyed. John was waiting for them to say something.
It was when the plane landed that John began to suspect something was really wrong. Dean was tugging and pulling and several times he had almost managed to pull away. When they got into the even more crowded airport, Dean was clearly looking for someone or something. His little head was whipping around so fast, John was surprised he wasn’t getting whiplash or dizzy or both.
“Dean, calm down.”
“I can’t daddy. I need to find….”
“Find who son?” John asked suspiciously. “Dean wait don’t run…come back.”
Dean had spotted something and had pulled his hand out of John and took off into the thick of people. It didn’t take long for the crowd to swallow him up and John to lose sight of him. Panic set in as he began calling Dean’s name and pushing aside people. Sammy sensing his father’s distress started wailing. He quickly attacked security and just as he was trying to stop himself freaking out.
He’s giving Dean’s description when he hears the god-awful , soul clenching scream.
“MMMMOOOOMMMYYYY!!!!!!”
That was when John figure out some of what was going on.
Mommy had to go live in heaven. Heaven is in sky and you have to get there in a special way. We can’t drive. No we can’t go there right now, but you’ll see her again but not for a very long time, until you go to heaven.
Dean we are going with Haven. I have a surprise for you when you get there. Heaven, Haven. Two weeks is a long time for kid.
“Oh, God! Dean.”
----------------
When they got off that plane, the little boy was so excited he could hardly contain himself. He looked for his mom everywhere. He was going to ask his dad when suddenly he spotted her. The long flowing blond hair, and gentle laugh. She was even big like Mommy was. He couldn’t fight it any more. He wanted hugs. He pulled his hand out of his fathers and took off into the crowd, even though Daddy said not too. Daddy would be mad at him for that but he knew his daddy missed mommy too. So Daddy would stop being mad when mommy hugged him and told him he was sexy. The four year old had no idea what he meant, but daddy always smiled and laughed when she said it. Dean said it to Daddy a couple of times since mommy went to Haven but daddy just got sad. It must have been one of those grown up things mommy and daddy kept telling him he would understand when he got older.
“Moommmy,” he said happily and joyfully as he wrapped his arms around mommy’s legs. “I missed you. I’m glad you’re not in haven no more. “He looked up ready for hugs and kisses and stopped dead. “You’re not mommy,” he said angrily as if it was the woman’s fault.
The woman naturally startled when she felt something barrel into her. She spun and glanced down at the small boy who was glaring for not being someone. She recovered quickly. She knelt down and tried to gather the boy in her arms. “I’m not your mommy sweetie. Are you lost? I bet we can find your mommy?”
“She had to go Haven,” Dean said again. “After the fire. Daddy said she’d be in Haven. I could see her after a long time. It’s been weeks. That’s too long. I want mommy,” Dean fired out so fast the lady had trouble understanding. His eyes misted over and one loan tear ran down his cheek.
“You must have thought, I looked like your mommy, honey.”
“My mommy’s prettier,” Dean corrected. This woman wasn’t mommy and she was mean and ugly.
“Sweetie, I think you mean Heaven,” she said when she finally processed what Dean had said. “Not Haven. They are different places. “
“Mommy’s not here! No! I hate you. You’re mean and you’re ugly. Where’s my mommy?”
“Honey,” the woman said, her own eyes misting up. “Maybe we can find your daddy and ask him.”
Dean looked around for his daddy and Sammy. He didn’t see them anywhere. “Daddy?” Dean called. “Where are you?” Several people looked but no one stopped to help the obviously distraught boy.
Assholes! “I promise we’ll find your daddy.”
“Daddy. Where are you,” Dean repeated. Did Daddy and Sammy go to Heaven or Haven too. Did they leave him behind? Daddy said to stay close. He hadn’t and know Daddywasgoneandhewas……
“MMMMOOOOMMMYYYY!!!!!!”
“Sweetie let me get security and we can get you…”
“Dean! Oh God! Dean thank God you’re okay,” John said appearing through the crowd with a screaming baby Sammy in tow.
“Daddy. That mean lady said mommy’s not here. She’s lying. You said mommy was in Haven.” With that Dean delivered a good swift kick to the shin of the woman who had been trying to help him.
“Dean! That’s not nice.” He knew his should make Dean apologize but in Dean’s state nothing would get though. “I’m so sorry,” he said on behalf of his son. “My wife, Dean’s mother….its only been a little..”
“It’s okay,” she said sincerely. I’m sorry for your lose.”
“Thank you.”
By know Dean was well on his way to hysterics. His face was red and swollen and he was crying hard. He asked security if there was a private room he could use to try and calm his sons.
Neither, was in the mood to be placated though. For the first time, since the fire, Dean finally cried. He wailed and screamed and yelled for all he was worth, begging and pleading to bring mommy home. It wasn’t fair. He was a good boy and would never be bad again.
There was literally nothing John could do. He had never felt so helpless in his life and that included the night Mary di… went away. He did the only thing he could do. He held Dean and gently rubbed small circles on his back. He didn’t try to explain anything, the difference between Haven and Heaven could be explained later. John just let his little cry his heart out and bargain and beg for someone, anyone to bring his mom home. He sat there and let Dean’s little fists wail away on him for all they were worth, and he knew some would probably bruise. Not from the strength, but from the shear number of them. He let Sam cry too, feeling a little guilty that he was unable to comfort his youngest, but Dean needed him right now.
Guards kept checking in on them and offering to call a doctor. John wanted to tell them to mind their own business but he didn’t need them mad at him. He just thanked them for their concern. He had to deal with this. A doctor would just sedate Dean and things would be no different when woke up. This was going to happen sooner or later, and while John would have preferred much different circumstances, part of him was glad that the inevitable was happening.
It was probably a good half hour before Dean’s wails finally started to becomes sniffles and hiccups and his fists stopped hitting with any kind of strength, and he slowly succumbed to sadness and exhaustion.
Laying, Dean down on the bench, John covered him with his leather jacket and was finally able to tend to Sam. He changed him, and comforted him and hesitantly asked the guard to heat his bottle so he could feed him. Finally, a short time later he had two sleeping boys. He was finally on the road to Jim’s house.
----
“We got to Pastor Jims the next day,” Dean finished. “There was a news story about a plane crash a few days later. They don’t take people where they want to go. They just hurt people.”
“You do realize that air travel is actually the safest way to fly,” Dr. Harper lectured, and Sam wanted to smack her. How could Dean’s story not have any effect on her? He knew he was never asking Dean to go near a plane again. No matter what the reason.
“Nothing is safer than my baby,” Dean replied with a hint of a smile. “I don’t want to talk anymore.”
“I do. Whose your baby?”
“’67 Chevy Impala. Dad gave her to me when I dropped out of school.”
“Your dad rewarded that?” the therapist said in disbelief.
“It’s a long story. I don’t want to talk anymore. Sammy can we take these off now,” Dean said and tugged at the restraints. “Won’t hurt know one.”
“He’s telling the truth,” Sam said to Dr. Harper with a pointed look.
“No one here deserves to be hurt,” Dean said and Sam wanted to growl in frustration. He knew that Dean couldn’t help it, but he was not helping.
“Who deserves to be hurt?”
Oh crap! Oh crap! Oh crap. He had to change the subject right now! But to what? The last time Sam asked what he hoped was neutral question he got way more than he bargained for. That was a story he knew Dean hadn’t wanted him to hear. He just hoped his brother understood what he had been trying to do.
“Bad things,” Dean said. “Like dem…”
“Criminals. We’re bounty hunters and we hunt the worst of the worst. “ Shut up, Dean, just shut the hell up.
“No we’re not, we’re…”
“What?”
“Hu…”
“Dean, I want to hear all about your first time,” Sam said and cringed. Yeah, brain bleach was definitely needed after Dean’s detailed explanation of the night he had gotten together with a girl named Shannon.
“Sam,” Dr. Harper said sharply after Dean had finished. “I can’t have a conversation with your brother if you keep interrupting me. One more word.:
“Don’t want restraints anymore,” Dean complained again. “I don’t want to talk. Just be nice if once if someone listened to me.”
“Do people not listen to you often Dean. Is that why you think you’re a danger?”
“Told you. You don’t listen either. I said I don’t think I’m a danger, I said I am a danger. No nobody listens, until its too late. Then it’s my fault.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Sammy got hurt cause of me,” Dean said sadly. “Take these off now,” he requested again. “Sammy gets hurt if I’m can’t help.”
What was that about? He couldn’remember a time when Dean wasn’t there for him.
“Being tired down, means Sammy gets hurt,” Dean said as if that explained everything.
“What do you mean?”
“Is that the only question you know?” Sam snapped.
“I told you, Sam….”
“Let me go,” Dean said as he tugged hard enough that it was probably going to leave a bruise.
“I would like to hear how you hu…”
As much as Sam didn’t want to hear it, he also kinda did, but now was not the time and he opened his mouth to ask Dean about who he really though won their prank wars, but someone else beat him too it.
“I’m glad that Dean is okay, Sam.”
Glancing up, Sam was very happy to see Bobby standing in the door way. He was wearing a suit. “I guess sending Dean on the plane wasn’t’ a good idea.”
“I’ll say, “the figure in the bed agreed.
“Who are you?” Dr. Harper asked.
“I’m Bobby Singer. I help Dean when he needs it.” The cursed man said nothing. That was true. “I sent Dean on the plane, trying to help.” Also true.
“Are you his therapist?” she asked.
“Dean comes to me when he needs to talk, “was all Bobby said not saying yes or no. “Or when he’s feeling overwhelmed.”
Sam got another surprise when Dean didn’t correct their surrogate father. When did Dean open up to anyone?
“He’s got to be feeling that way knows. He really hates restraints. They make the problem worse.”
“But why?”
Dean opened his mouth to speak. “I don’t think he really wants to talk anymore. That right Dean?”
Dean shot Bobby a grateful look. “Yes sir.” He said honestly.
“But I….”
“Don’t really have a say in the matter. I have transfer papers that give me permission to transfer Dean.”
“Where?” Dean asked sounding a little nervous.
“Some place where you feel safe.” His place. He handed the doctor an impressive set of fake transfer papers as he reached and undid the restraints. “We’re leaving now.”
------
Dean was grateful that he was finally free and he was embarrassed by the stuff he had said. Sammy apologized for prying, but Dean did understand he hadn’t done it to be nosy. Sam had actually done a very good job of not asking him stuff he didn’t want to answer. He told Sam that he had nothing to be sorry for, and since he couldn’t lie Sam didn’t need to feel guilty.
He was still a little jumpy though. He still had 44 hours before the curse wore off, and Bobby and Sam could still ask him anything.
“Don’t worry, son,” Bobby said and he was very pleased when Dean didn’t correct him. “There is only one thing I want to know and I do feel this is my right since it was mine?”
“What?” Dean asked nervously hoping it was anything but….
“What exactly happened to my antique crystal ball?”
Dean swallowed nervously. No, he really didn’t want to answer that it was too embarrassing. Bobby would be mad but of course he opened his mouth and began to speak.
The End
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