This is a Mary one shot about trying to have a kid. It's sad and confusing. Basically the iltalic parts are flashbacks and the future, not the present. The present is her at home finding out she is pregnant.


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Mary Winchester looked at the pregnancy test in her hand as she inhaled and exhaled deeply while waiting for the results. She stared back in the mirror at herself and studied her features closely. Her eyes were puffy from crying the past twp days after being told she couldn't have kids but she was determine to prove that doctor wrong. Her dad always told her she was strong headed and when she would put her mind to something she wouldn't give up.

Mary walked into her doctors’ office and looked to all the pregnant women sitting around with a hint of sadness in her eyes. A month ago she sat in here seven weeks pregnant with the biggest smile on her face. She had been flipping through a baby magazine when the receptionist came out and called for her. "Mrs. Winchester, the doctor is ready for you."

Mary looked up at the small brunette smiling down at her and placed the magazine down on the table beside her. She pushed up off the chair and followed the receptionist back. “Just go right through there and he’ll be with you shortly.”

Mary nodded at the woman and watched as she walked back behind the desk. The blonde turned back toward the room and walked through the door to a smaller room with a metal table off to the side. She gulped as she ran her hands over her stomach and looked around the room, seeing five baby posters about being responsible. She smiled brighter when she saw a mother holding a baby in the one poster and read the words beside the image.

I’ll protect you from the world
I’ll love you with all my heart
I’ll shelter you when you feel alone
I’ll be there when you’re in pain
I’ll never let you forget how much I care

She glanced toward the other poster next to the one she was looking at and read the letters in white at the top. Adoption.Org. She began reading the statements underneath the word when she heard someone come in behind her. “Mrs. Winchester.” The girl announced.

Mary was pulled from her concentration and turned around to the blonde in front of her. “Doctor Peters will be with you shortly so just make yourself comfortable.”

“Thank you.” Mary said and walked over to the table.

“How far are you?” the nurse asked, picking up a folder and writing in it,

Once on the table, Mary looked up at her and shot her hands to her stomach. “Seven weeks.” She informed her.

“You must be exited.”

“Very. My husband can’t wait.” Mary stated.

The woman’s face brightened. “You’re married? You look so young.”

Mary laughed. “I got married two years ago and I couldn’t be happier.” She told her.

“Now you’re about to have a little boy or a girl.”

Mary smiled. “I want to have a boy but John wants to have a girl.” She stated.

The woman nodded. “Congratulations.” She looked to the door and saw it start to open. “I’ll just take this.” She walked toward the door and left with the folder as the doctor walked in.

“Mary, Great to see you.” Doctor Peters greeted.

“You too.”

The doctor closed the door and looked back at the woman on the table. “Let’s check out your baby, shall we?” he walked over to her and directed Mary to lay back. Mary did and he put his hand on her stomach. “I just want to check his heartbeat and make sure everything’s okay.”

Mary nodded while looking down at her bare belly. She tensed up a little to the cool metal on her skin and glanced up to the doctor. Mary raised her eyebrows when she saw the confuse look on his face and let out the breath she was holding in. Once he pulled away, she immediately sat up. “What?” she asked.

The doctor looked at her with sadden eyes. “I’m sorry, Mary.”

“No.” she whispered, curling her lips up and feeling her eyes well up. She knew whatever news he had was about the baby. “The baby has no heartbeat.”

*******

Mary had driven home from the doctors’ office in a daze that evening. She refused to believe she had had lost her baby and spent hours crying. The doctor had mentioned to her she could try again but not to get her hopes up. The nurse she made conversation with before her appointment offered to call her husband but Mary wouldn’t allow it. She didn’t want him to see her like this. She didn’t want anyone to see her like this.

After she left, Mary controlled her sobbing and still hasn’t called John. She knew he was probably still at the garage and she didn’t really want him to have to leave work early. Mary knew money was a little tight but she never doubted that they couldn’t get through this. Shaking her hand, Mary grabbed her cell phone and scrolled down to John’s name when a scream caught her attention. She looked up and saw two children playing tag in their front yard and felt a stab to the gut.

She knew she could try again but still. She lost her child. A baby was growing inside of her and she loved him or her more then anything. Mary never felt this sick to her stomach since the night she lost her parents. She closed her eyes and swiftly wiped away a tear and quickly stopped at a stop sign. Mary slammed on her brakes as a little girl and her mother crossed the street. Mary watched them closely and waited for them to quickly pass. All she wanted to do was get home.

Turning sharply into the driveway, Mary turned off the engine and rested her head against the steering wheel. She started crying and shaking thinking back to the doctor’s words.

“You’re baby has no heart beat. You can try again, but don’t get your hopes up. This happens often to woman your age.”

Sitting straight up, Mary pushed open her car door and got out in a rage. She slammed the door and started pulling her keys out as she made her way across the yard. Mary looked over toward the sidewalk and saw a little girl riding her bike and whipped back toward the house, making her way up the porch. She put her key in the lock and opened the door.

Pushing it open, she walked inside where it was peace and quiet and leaned on the closed door behind her. She breathed in and out as she glanced around the house. Mary looked at a picture of her parents and frowned. “Sorry, to disappoint you guys.” Shaking her head, she headed into the kitchen toward the fridge and pulled out some milk.

*********

Mary heard the beep and her heart raced as she looked down at the test. Flipping it around, her eyes widened. Tears started coming down her cheeks and she smiled. She was pregnant. She couldn’t believe it. For a month and a half she tried to get pregnant and it finally happened. She wasn’t sure is this was a dream or some miracle but she was really going to have a baby.

She and John were finally going to have a family. She couldn’t wait to tell him. He would be so excited. John wanted a child for a while now but she always had these fears of having children. What if her past caught up to her and wheat if they were pulled into that kind of life? What if something happened and she couldn’t be there for them?

Mary wiped her eyes and tried knocking those terrifying questions out of her mind. Right now, she just needed to focus on having the baby because last time she ended up losing the baby. A part of her wondered if it was because god didn’t want anyone like her to raise a child. If her mom could do it, she could as well but she did die before she got to be a grandmother so what if she died before she became one too?

Suddenly new fears filled her head about the baby and being a mom. She placed her hand on her stomach while looking to the picture of her parents. “You’re going to be grandparents.” She cried, making sure that she would tell her little girl or boy about them. Her children deserved to know what kind of grandparents they had. She smiled at them and felt warmth all inside her. “I hope you’re taking care of my baby.”

*********

Mary had been sitting alone on her bed for a while. Every now and then she would glance up toward the baby’s room where John was grieving in. She wanted to comfort him but he just wanted to be alone. Mary was glad he didn’t leave her alone because she wasn’t sure if she could deal with being alone right now.

John had been in the nursery for over ten minutes while she wandered around the house in a haze. She could hear John cry over the loss of the baby but he waited until she wasn’t in the room with him. Mary was in the kitchen when she told him about the news and she stayed in there while John dealt with his emotions and said what he needed to say to their baby up in the baby room.

She sighed and silently made her way to her room, passing the nursery without looking in the room. She hasn’t gone in there since she found out and she wasn’t sure if she could. Both John and her have been making up the room since seven weeks ago. They bought some baby stuff but they were going to wait until they found out the sex of the baby.

Mary wasn’t even thinking about having another baby while John was home and he didn’t ask her about having another one because he knew how hard this was for her too. She wasn’t sure of he was hoping to try again in the future but he remained quiet about the subject which made her love him even more.

Some guys would have asked her a bunch of difficult questions that she wouldn’t have felt like answering but he barely said anything to her. Just that he was sorry and he loved her. She knew he was mostly on shock. She was still in shock herself so the lack of talking wasn’t really a big issue. He wanted to be there for her and she wanted to be there for him but they didn’t know how or what they could say to make the pain go away.

Getting up from the bed, Mary sucked in a deep breath and slowly made her way to the nursery. She stopped at the door and hesitated before turning into the entryway. She looked inside and spotted John in the center of the room holding a white stuffed dog. “John.” She whispered.

He turned and looked at her. Tears were streaming down his eyes. “I bought this when I first found out you were pregnant.” John admitted, squeezing the dog as it barked. “I wanted to surprise you with it at the hospital.”

Mary allowed the tears to fall freely from her eyes again. “I’m sure the baby would have loved it.” She paused and stepped back, realizing what she had just said. It finally dawned on her that she was never going to see her baby again. John dropped the dog as he stared at her and she watched it slowly fall to the floor as he ran and scooped her up in a hug.

“I should have been there for you sooner.” He confessed.

The numbness came back as she became a statue in his arms. Her tears stopped flowing and she stared blankly at the set of wallpaper leaning in the corner. “It’s okay.” She whispered. “I understand you’re hurting too.”

“No.” John said, pulling away to look in her eyes. “I know this is really hard for you right now.” He trailed off and looked around. “You shouldn’t be in here.” He started to lead her out of the room when Mary broke free of his grasp. John turned around and watched her pick up the stuffed barking dog.

She smoothed her hand down the dog’s back and walked over to the dresser by the closet. She placed it next to the lamp and looked back at John. “This is my favorite room in the house.” She admitted.

*******

“Welcome back, Mary.” Doctor Peters announced, smiling at her.

Mary looked up at the doctor and stood up in the waiting room. The last time she was here, he told her she had lost the baby but the pregnancy test she took earlier didn’t lie. She just wanted to be sure. “Follow me.” She nodded and looked around the empty room as she followed him down the hall to the back room. She looked around and saw the nurse who helped her out when she found out about the baby. Smiling she walked into a room behind the doctor and walked over to the table.

“So, you said you took the test.”

Mary nodded. “I just want to make sure I’m pregnant.”

Peters looked over at her. “You know what could happen.”

“I just want to make sure you this is the real deal this time.” Mary told him.

The doctor nodded and took a seat in the chair next to the door. “You will need weekly check-ups and if you feel any thing out of the ordinary, I want John to bring you in.” he explained.

She nodded. “I’ll do anything. I just want to have this baby.”

“There are no guarantees. Anything could go wrong”

“And I’ll just keep trying.” She cried.

The doctor nodded and stood up. “We’re have to take some tests.”

Mary nodded and laid back on the table. Deep down she just knew this was it. That she was given a second chance.

*******

“Mary, you called.” John yelled, opening the front door. He looked into the kitchen and the living room and ran upstairs to check their room. John passed the nursery and noticed the door was ajar. He raised his eyebrows and walked toward the door. “Mar, you in there?’ he opened the door and found her standing in the middle of the room. She was smiling from ear to ear and holding the stuffed dog. “What are you doing in here?” he asked, tilting his head.

Mary walked up to him and took his hand. “I’m pregnant.” She squealed.

“Are you sure?” he asked, eying her with ecstatic in his eyes.

She nodded and threw her arms around her husband. “We’re gonna have a baby!”

John spun her and placed her on the floor, planting kisses on her lips. He pulled away and ran into the room. “You need me to do anything? How far along are you? Have you seen doctor Peters?” the questions kept pouring out but he just didn’t want to see her hurting like last time.

“No, two weeks, and yes. I should be fine.”

“Really?” John asked. “I just want to make sure.”

“And you think I don’t?” Mary snapped. She caught her breath and closed her eyes. “I’m sorry.” She added.

It’s okay.” John assured her. “Let’s go out to eat to celebrate.”

Mary smirked at John. “Okay. Let me go get ready.”

“Good. I need a shower.” He laughed and kissed her again before leaving the room.