Description: A series type of story with chapters. Set in the past, before Season One. It follows the paths of older Hunters such as Daniel Elkins, Jim Murphy and Bobby Singer.
Note: There will be information in this story anywhere from Season One to Season Four and may or may not be using information about past events as they come up in Supernatural. This story will stay as close as possible to the past events spoken about in Supernatural.
Writing Style: Rather than say, "A short time later" every time I need to do a small skip in time, I'll just add in an extra line of space to show that time has moved forward a bit. But at the same time, it could also mean that the point of view is moving from one character to the next. It should be easy to figure it out. I won't announce a time skip or character change unless it's important or needed. I'll also bold things of importance and add italics to sounds or thoughts.
General Rating: Pg-15, For semi-harsh language, [Nothing worse than what we hear in the show], blood and some gore. May jump to Rated R depending on what goes on during a chapter.
A two-story house stood by itself on a street, not another house for at least a quarter of a mile. It looked average, nothing too special. Next to the house was a garage, an empty garage to be more exact. While inside the house rested two souls, one on the second floor, sleeping in her bed, while another sat in a soft, brown chair on the first floor, hands folded on his lap, his back leaning against the chair and his eyes focused on a television several yards in front of him, the sound from it was soft be still hearable.
“You know, I might be like you, and I might not. But you’re the one tied up right now.” Said a man on the television, a knife in his hand as he smiled down at a darker skinned man roped up to a chair.
The young man in the chair flinched, his head jerked to the left to a staircase, a large open doorway had been built a few feet to his left, and a kitchen was in that room, after that was the stairs leading to the second floor.
"Rebecca!?" He shouted, getting up from the chair.
The young man had dark brown skin and black hair, to the point of almost being bald. He had on a short sleeved white t-shirt and partially color faded blue jeans. He stood at five feet and nine inches and held brown irises.
The crash was loud but no sounds followed after it, not a scream, not a cry, nothing. But the words of his father ran through his head, "If anything gets into this house, shoot first, ask questions later."
With no time to waste, he ran over to the door to the front of the house, picking up a rifle laying near it, the town they lived in had it's fair share of crime. A house so far away from the others would seem like a perfect place for someone to break into.
He rushed towards the stairs carrying the rifle in his hands, his form made it seem like this wasn't the first time he held a gun. Running up the stairs his hand gripped a pole and turned his body, going up the next set of steps to the second floor, his feet lightly hitting the stairs, being careful to make as little noise as possible. A short hallway followed, one door on each side and a door at the end of the hallway, the young man stopped at the door on the left, it was cracked slightly, naturally, but there were clearly sounds of muffled screaming coming from within. With a hard kick, the determined gun wielding male kicked open the door with his socked, right foot, quickly pointed his rifle as his foot made contact.
The door handle slammed into the wall, leaving a mark as the young man's eyes widened at the sight. A man in a black leather jacket had his right hand over the mouth of a girl with long, straight black hair, brown skin, green irises, and a white gown on. Her eyes darted over to the young man as he came in, the intruder had his left hand on the girl's waist, his hand appeared to be gripping it by the crinkles in the bed. A smile formed over his face as he removed his hand from her mouth, drips of blood fell from the knife wound on his palm, the thick liquid could be seen on the girl's lips and running down the side of her face.
"Gordon!" She shouted, attempting to get up now that the man only had one hand on her, but his free hand came down hard upon the girl's head, knocking her out.
Gordon pulled the trigger and sent a bullet into the left side of the man's chest, hitting the heart and sending him to the floor, "You son of bitch!" He shouted, walking forward, the rifle by his side as he eyes moved to his sixteen-year-old sister for a moment before setting his sights back on to the man with blood on his right hand and a bullet in his chest.
He knelt down, looking over the man's body for a moment before he noticed that the bullet he had fired hadn't fully entered the chest, the end of it was still above the leather jacket, and there didn't appear to be enough blood to soak the material, "That tickled." Said the man as he opened his eyes and mouth; crooked, sharp fangs were visible in front of his regular set of teeth.
His wounded hand gripped Gordon's neck as his left hand reeled back, punching the young man in the chest, knocking him back a few yards and into the wall, sending him into unconsciousness.
The man stood up, walking over to Gordon as he heard the sound of movement from the bed. It looked as if Rebecca was having a bad dream, tossing and turning under her dark blue covers as a chuckle came from the man, he walked over to the bed as he used his left hand to pull the bullet out of his chest, a bit of blood on the end was noticed before he flicked the object, it landed on the floor.
He bent over and picked up the girl, smiling as he walked towards the broken window, not hesitating as he made a leap through it, falling ten feet before landing on the ground, bending his knees as he stood up straight, the sun had already set but a forest was still visible to a regular Human. The man ran off towards the forest, he was fast and clearly not bothered by the young teenager in his arms.
Two months later.
A dark blue truck, a small one, not one to carry many tons on it's back, traveled across a road, it had large tires to lift it up and there appeared to be enough room to comfortably fit three people. The very back had a "box" connected to it, but it seemed to be built into the truck itself. A keyhole could be noticed on the box. Behind the box was four feet of empty space between the passenger portion of the truck and the end of the truck.
"I guess you were right," said a man who appeared to be in his thirties, "Looks like there is a job around here." He held a phone larger than what most people would be used to in seventeen years.
"Elkins," Came a male voice on the phone, "Are you sure you don't want me to come over and help you? I'm only two states over and this Chupacabra is a small time job. Another Hunter will be along in no time and--"
The truck driver had blue irises and brown hair going down to just above his eyes. He wore a tan open jacket with a red shirt on underneath along with dark blue jeans and tan work boots.
Interupting the man on the other end, he glanced down at a small stack of papers in his hand, describing the series of deaths and kidnappings in the past couple days, "Caleb." He began, a small chuckle came from his throat, "I really appreciate the tip on the Vampires, but you've only been hunting for a little over a year. You haven't even seen a Vampire yet. No offense, but you just ain't ready for a job like this. There's gotta be at least eight Vampires in the nest... and growing by the looks of the recent kidnappings."
A sigh came from the phone and Elkins gave a smile, "Alright. But make sure you call me if you need anything, Daniel. I'll be over the second you need me." He said, calling Elkins by his first name.
"Ah, don't count on it. I'm bettin' I'll meet with another Hunter. Just worry about your goat killing problem and I'll make sure to give you a call when I've finished."
"Well, don't forget I'm just a four hour drive away. Talk to you later," Caleb hung up the phone before Daniel had a chance to argue.
The driver looked at the phone for a moment before shrugging and shutting it off, placing it back onto a cradle in a small opening between the seat, which also had an opening in front of the cradle filled with smaller items. The wire for the phone was plugged into the lighter of the car's dashboard.
Pushing down on the petal more, the blue truck sped up, going several miles past the speed limit down the empty road, nothing but trees and a sign that read "Ahstol - 5 Miles".
Without bothering to change his clothes, Daniel walked into a Police Station, walking towards a desk as a man stood behind it, glimpsing down at a paper before looking up at Daniel, "Can I help you?"
Almost as if natural instinct, the Hunter pulled out a wallet from his tan jacket and flicked it open, showing an FBI card attached to the inside of it before folding it up, "Andy Nez, I'm with the FBI. I need to take a look at the body you got today, you do still have it in the station, correct?"
"Jesus," the Police Chief sighed, "We already had one FBI agent come in and look at it, why do you need to check it too? The body's gonna be taken away in an hour or so, we thought the check up had been finished."
"The last one in didn't do a well enough job, he didn't ask for everything that was needed," Daniel explained.
Giving another sigh, the Chief walked over to a door, "He did look too young to be an agent. Fine, come on." He told the fake agent, opening and pushing the door as Elkins followed, a body with a white sheet was noticeable on long table.
"Alright, just give me a few minutes and I'll ask you any questions if I have some." Daniel said, the Police Chief simply looked at him, he appeared to disapprove of the fact that he was leaving someone alone with the body, "Now, please." He demanded in a stricter voice, the Chief wasted no time arguing and left the room.
The Hunter went to work, removing the white sheet from the head, revealing a girl's face underneath, bite marks on her neck and a chunk of flesh was missing from the top of her chest, covered with material to prevent blood loss.
His left hand pulled up the lip of the girl and his right hand pushed against her gums, but nothing happened, Couldn't possibly be a Fang, the head's still attached anyways. He thought, letting the lip fall as he pulled back his hands, placing the white sheet back over her head before leaving the room.
"I do have one question though," Elkins asked, the Police Chief turned, surprised to see the man again so soon, "How long ago did the last agent come in here?"
The sky was black and cloudy, but the moon was still visible and it shined down on to the bar below. Elkins' blue truck was parked and the door to the bar had just closed, Daniel was inside, taking a look around at the dozen or so people there, including a table with two girls and one guy, each with dark leather jackets on, one of the girls had red hair with the other two had black. They appeared to be a bit more rowdy than the rest of the people, but they simply ignored the three, going back to their conversations, but one man was by himself at the other side of the bar, he held a bottle in his hand, looking up at the small group occasionally, doing nothing else but drinking from the bottle and staring down.
"Damn it." The Hunter whispered, walking towards the man on the other side of the bar, the same man that had been described to him by the Police Chief at the station.
The young man was anything but shy, he looked up at Daniel, "Can I help you?" He asked.
"You're trying not to be suspicious. But it's not working too well." He replied, sitting down at the table with the young man.
"What the Hell are you--"
"You think they're Vampires."
The man's eyes widened slightly, Elkins simply had his right eyebrow raised, "You know about Vampires?"
Daniel gave a single nod, "I know they're quite the rough crowd, even when trying to blend in with regular people. And they're not idiots," he whispered, "They know when a Hunter is trying to track them down. Just sitting here is way too obvious, they probably already made plans to kill you, since you planned on following them after you left the bar, right?"
He opened his mouth to speak but decided against it, looking down, "Yeah."
"Come on." Daniel said, getting up from the table and leaving the bar, the young man left his drink and followed.
The door closed without a sound and the two men walked away from the bar for a few seconds, making sure to be out of view from the supposed Vampires, "I have a pretty decent idea where their base is." The man said as Elkins gave a scoff, he didn't seem too amused.
"You are an amateur," Elkins began, "You don't look any older than twenty, what the Hell do you think you're doing hunting down Vampires? This is way more than you can handle. And it's a nest, not a base."
"I have been hunting down these bastards for a month. I've learned about them, how to kill them, what effects them, everything I need to know. So don't question my ability. And if you want to know where they are, you're gonna have to come with me to do it, 'cause I've been searching too long not to be a part of this hunt." He said, anger in his voice as he gave several strained points with his right index finger towards Elkins' chest.
"I don't care if you've been looking for a year. You are not prepared to take on a Vampire, do you even know what else is out there?"
"I was completely in the dark until a couple of months ago." He said, a stern look on his face as Daniel shook his head.
"My point exactly, do yourself a favor and tell me where the nest is so you don't--"
The man interrupted, fists clutched by his side, "They took my sister."
Elkins was speechless for a few seconds, his mouth shut tightly as glanced back at the bar and back to the man, "I'll stay here and follow them when they leave, there's no way you could track them without being caught, they probably have your scent. Get out of here for now and I'll contact you when I think I've gotten a good idea on where the nest is." He explained as the man nodded, quickly pulling out a piece of paper from his pocket, a phone number already written on it as he handed it to Elkins who took it and placed it into his own, "Daniel Elkins." He said, exchanging the paper for a name as he placed his hand out.
Looking down at the Hunter's hand, the young man grabbed it tightly and gave it a firm shake, "Gordon Walker."
To Be Continued...
Comments and critism welcome.
Okay, so in no way do I consider myself a professional writer, so you should take all of these observances with a grain of salt. *wink wink* But I saw your post asking for criticism, so I’m going to try to give you a bit. :)
So your opening is a bit confusing. Haha is the man watching ‘Supernatural’ on television?
Also, it is a bit easy to get lost in your descriptions. Instead of using a paragraph to describe the house, you can describe it as the character is running through it, just to add a bit of action. It also seems easier for the imagination to form a solid picture.
Same thing can be true for your character descriptions. It is awesome to paint a picture of your people for your readers, something I have a hard time doing myself. My characters often come out faceless just because I forget to describe them. But instead of describing them straight-forward (The truck driver had blue irises and brown hair going down to just above his eyes. He wore a tan open jacket with a red shirt on underneath along with dark blue jeans and tan work boots.) You can integrate it into your paragraphs for smoother transition. Since the truck driver seems a little miffed at Elkins, you could have something like “The truck driver ran a hand through his long/short brown hair, sweeping it away from his blue eyes.”
Other than the occasional run-on sentence (which we all do), I like the way this story is shaping out. I’m assuming the main focus is going to be Walker’s back story while he mingles with all of the other hunters we’ve met. I like the sound of that. While it doesn’t feature the boys, a key item that can turn some people off, there aren’t enough fics out there that deal with anything pre-series. It's pretty easy to use the Winchester in fanfiction because the writers of the show have done all the hard work for us. Using any of the other hunters and writing out their back story takes a bit more imagination and dare on the writer's part.
Be careful of your timeline. I'm not sure how old Gordon is, I'm assuming 38 or 39. Did they have cell phones 23 years ago? I know you mentioned Caleb had one bigger than any of us remember having, but make sure they had cell phones readily accessible back then.
Also, since I’m a bit of a grammar nut (was born by one so not my fault) when using such phrases as ‘he said’ it is normally proceeded by a comma.
e.g. “Don’t be a drama queen,” Dean said. Sometimes, if you’re inserting it in the middle of two sentences, and the second one begins a new thought, then you might separate them with periods. “Don’t be a geek,” Dean said. “You’re not very good at it.”
Well, hopefully I wasn’t too nit-picky. Like I said, I like where the story’s going and you move at a pretty good pace. You don’t want to sit and linger on a screen, but you don’t want to run past it either. I think just a little smoothing in the paragraphs and you’ll be set.
I will try to keep an eye out for your next update. Have a good one!