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 Dark's Platoon
LukkiStarr
Posted: Apr 9 2010, 07:29 AM


The Lukki says "OBJECTION!"
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Group: Lukkis
Posts: 393
Member No.: 333
Joined: 18-March 07



Let's give it a shot, then...

Your Name: LukkiStarr
Your Age: 21
The title of your work: Dark's Platoon
http://pc.pixel-pagoda.com/lukki/platoon/
The links to the starts of different seasons are in the comics page: http://pc.pixel-pagoda.com/lukki/comics.html

Now, I will get defensive when it comes to critique, coming up with excuses for myself. However, it's also in my nature to try to please everyone, so I will try to learn from critique.

Evil already gave me some critique. If he wants, he can copy it here.

~Lukki


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My deviantart.
Free of rabid fans since the dinosaurs died.
Pun-ished on a frequent basis.
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RaveDuck
Posted: Apr 12 2010, 08:30 AM


Unregistered









Ah Dark's Platoon.

The only thing I really want to say about it is that I read it and was deeply confused.

It had this thing going one where it was written for something called "Battle of the Strippers," a detail that kind of cheapened the work when it was mentioned over and over again.

It's most definitely an odd ball, especially because all sorts of weird and wacky bullshit happens in it, but this is okay because the weird and wacky bullshit accents the weird and wacky characters.

To be honest, the biggest problem is that I don't know what to do with it. Essentially it's a daily comic, a comic with a cast of cookie cutter characters that behave in certain ways and will always react similarly given specific situations, but then, at the same time, the plotline is...high.

My point is that Lukki is obviously either on drugs or a five year old, because the plotline just...goes. Look at it go! GO PLOTLINE GO! It heads right off the deep end at about the time they get a giant robot that they can also live in.

Sometimes strange characters will pop up for no reason. Sometimes characters will disappear, die, all sorts of things. I don't know if that's just the BOTS talking, but it was hard for me to really get close to this storyline and premise. Daily comics are often the easiest comics to like. Often, the most popular and widely read comics are daily comics that appear in newspapers with the characters that you know by heart.

That said, this isn't a daily comic. I have no idea what it is. It's just...so alien. It's like someone from another planet wrote it.

I did read it all the way through, though. It's redeeming factors were that it is pretty funny and the characters that you do consistently see are immediately likeable. Throw out the storyline and you'd still have something with a soul and voice and that's where the strength lies in Dark's Platoon.

I give this story a Check Plus.
Go help yourself some milk and cookies, Lukki.
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DB
Posted: Apr 12 2010, 09:07 AM


Hold it, etc.
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Group: Epic Heroes
Posts: 1,522
Member No.: 88
Joined: 11-April 06



QUOTE (RaveDuck @ Apr 12 2010, 11:30 PM)
I give this story a Check Plus.
Go help yourself some milk and cookies, Lukki.

You need to define what your rating system is and what could have been achieved. Otherwise the entire premise of a rating system falls flat, since nobody can make heads or tails from it.
"Check plus" honestly sounds like the highest possible rating on a ridiculous rating scale. Like uh, Cross Minus, Cross, Cross Plus, Check Minus, Check, Check Plus.
When you use a nonstandard rating system, anything could mean anything.


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Swayin' yo hips? The fuck you doin?
I think you need to leave. We'll be fine, but you need to go.
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RaveDuck
Posted: Apr 12 2010, 10:51 AM


Unregistered









American kindergartens typically use a rating system based on Check, Check Plus, or Check Minus.
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Meeko
Posted: Apr 12 2010, 12:49 PM


Actually not a girl!
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Joined: 30-October 05



I don't like Dark's Platoon because it isn't Master's Realm.

Now that that is out of the way:

Note: This is from memory, I've been following Dark's Platoon for a long time and am up to date, but I didn't go back and re-read it for this. I also have pretty good knowledge of everything else you have ever put on the internet, thus some related materials might be swaying my review.

Dark's Platoon is a completely mixed bag. I've grown to love most of the characters, except Dark who is a classic example of a Villain Sue and is pretty much an all around boring guy. The quality really varies by season. Season 6 was pretty boring all the way through, but 4 and 5 were deliciously awesome. I guess with so many comics, some of them are bound to be boring.

Often times things can get hard to follow, probably because Dark's Platoon is about a bunch of characters from another comic that never happens anymore. It's like it is supposed to call on knowledge that the reader can not possibly possess. I have trouble following it, and I've heard plenty of your stories about the world and characters directly from you. Still, taken as a light-hearted series, it's easy to find humor in. Sometimes you overuse jokes, but that is very forgivable.

Your artwork is top-notch. I've always been amazed how fast your style improves and evolves. You've got real talent there, and you know it. Nothing to say on that part.

That's pretty much it. I doubt this does much for you, you've probably heard all of my opinions before.


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My DeviantArt?!
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LukkiStarr
Posted: Apr 12 2010, 01:39 PM


The Lukki says "OBJECTION!"
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Group: Lukkis
Posts: 393
Member No.: 333
Joined: 18-March 07



Thank you for your comments. Critiques. Anyway...

For the aspect that it's BotS... well... It's a BotS comic and I can't do much about it. At least I've been refraining from referencing to it in later seasons, so you could say I'm working on that.

QUOTE
a comic with a cast of cookie cutter characters that behave in certain ways and will always react similarly given specific situations

Cookie cutters, hm... I agree with this, actually. I'll have to keep that in mind with future stories and characters. As for reacting similarly, I recognize this flaw. If I were to write the dialogue and the characters weren't seen, people wouldn't be able to tell who's who. The characters are too similar in acting. I think this a problem with all of my characters, Dark's Platoon or otherwise. If anyone has any advice on how to redeem this, I'm all ears.

As for the story being difficult to follow... Yeah... I've had the same comment on a previous work of mine and it's a real problem with me. I often tend to leave out things that are crucial in understanding the plot. I think I need an editor; someone who will read my scripts through and tell me what I need to add and what needs to be cut. Even if I do comics mostly for my own sake, it'd be good if other people were able to get into them as well.

Also, don't dislike Dark's Platoon because it's not Master's Realm. Everything I learn while making DP will make Master's Realm that much better. I can only hope DP becomes that much clearer as MR progresses (Here's to it actually progressing).

I might try a different improvement comic on a later date in an effort to fix the problem I have with plots and characters.

Thank you again.

~Lukki


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My deviantart.
Free of rabid fans since the dinosaurs died.
Pun-ished on a frequent basis.
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RaveDuck
Posted: Apr 12 2010, 03:51 PM


Unregistered









Actually Lukki, I meant that in a good way.

I meant that if you were actually creating a daily comic then you've created a daily comic.

And if you weren't then your characters follow the daily comic pattern curiously well.
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Evilagram
Posted: Apr 13 2010, 01:53 PM


He is the Kanye West of pixel art.
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Group: Banned
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Joined: 5-April 10



QUOTE (LukkiStarr @ Apr 12 2010, 01:39 PM)
I might try a different improvement comic on a later date in an effort to fix the problem I have with plots and characters.


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I keep a list of pixel art tutorials here:
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/416986/misc/SpriteTutorials.html

Please use these.
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Meeko
Posted: Apr 13 2010, 03:21 PM


Actually not a girl!
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Group: Gods
Posts: 1,687
Member No.: 2
Joined: 30-October 05



QUOTE (Evilagram @ Apr 13 2010, 01:53 PM)
QUOTE (LukkiStarr @ Apr 12 2010, 01:39 PM)
I might try a different improvement comic on a later date in an effort to fix the problem I have with plots and characters.

That has nothing to do with plots and characters.


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user posted image
Irregular Days - My new and shitty personal website.
My DeviantArt?!
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[03:18] DB: Everything's coming up DB
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DB
Posted: Apr 13 2010, 04:37 PM


Hold it, etc.
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Group: Epic Heroes
Posts: 1,522
Member No.: 88
Joined: 11-April 06



QUOTE (Evilagram @ Apr 14 2010, 04:53 AM)
QUOTE (LukkiStarr @ Apr 12 2010, 01:39 PM)
I might try a different improvement comic on a later date in an effort to fix the problem I have with plots and characters.

Dear god you are really pushing your luck.


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user posted image
Swayin' yo hips? The fuck you doin?
I think you need to leave. We'll be fine, but you need to go.
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Kike Man
Posted: Apr 13 2010, 04:47 PM


El Judio


Group: Members
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I think Evilagram was pointing out how to draw the characters, rather then how to write a character with depth?

Either way, I found his link a bit helpful towards the creation of characters' physical presentation rather then what was being asked.. so his comment was a 4/10?
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DB
Posted: Apr 13 2010, 04:56 PM


Hold it, etc.
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Group: Epic Heroes
Posts: 1,522
Member No.: 88
Joined: 11-April 06



QUOTE (Kike Man @ Apr 14 2010, 07:47 AM)
I think Evilagram was pointing out how to draw the characters, rather then how to write a character with depth?

Either way, I found his link a bit helpful towards the creation of characters' physical presentation rather then what was being asked.. so his comment was a 4/10?

The point is that nothing said so far in this topic has talked about Lukki's artwork in such a way as to suggest he needs to improve it, and Lukki's statement about improving the plots and characters was to do with the writing, rather than the art.
Evilagram is constantly pushing a single issue, even though in this case the issue was never touched upon before he mentioned it.


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user posted image
Swayin' yo hips? The fuck you doin?
I think you need to leave. We'll be fine, but you need to go.
Top
Kike Man
Posted: Apr 13 2010, 05:05 PM


El Judio


Group: Members
Posts: 22
Member No.: 1,206
Joined: 8-April 10



I know Evilagram, he probably mistook what you meant for the character development for character construction.

I'm sure he'll provide something to the critic of exactly what it is you're seeking for.
You just have to remind him a bit what you're looking for and he'll help you out accordingly.
There's no reason why we can't be civil, right?
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trombonefellow
Posted: Apr 13 2010, 07:19 PM


The Black Bishonen


Group: Members
Posts: 664
Member No.: 142
Joined: 19-July 06



I have to say: "Do studies. *insert link*" is a very piss poor way to get a point across.

On the other hand though, the tutorial is pretty kickass.
I'm guessing evilagram's point is that by practicing studies, you'll become faster with your work possibly
giving you more time to focus on the writing, and greatly helping you become more creative with your design and details.

I also have to ask, if Lukki only wants the writing critiqued does it really belong in "Graphic Art Critiques" or in the Literary one?


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[00:04] * Meeko looks at his Diet Coke
[00:04] Meeko: was I drugged?
[00:05] BioOnTea: Diet Coke?
[00:05] BioOnTea: Are you made of bitch?
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Evilagram
Posted: Apr 13 2010, 08:02 PM


He is the Kanye West of pixel art.
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Joined: 5-April 10



QUOTE (Meeko @ Apr 13 2010, 03:21 PM)
QUOTE (Evilagram @ Apr 13 2010, 01:53 PM)
QUOTE (LukkiStarr @ Apr 12 2010, 01:39 PM)
I might try a different improvement comic on a later date in an effort to fix the problem I have with plots and characters.

That has nothing to do with plots and characters.

Gee, am I in the wrong section? *looks at the section header*

Sorry, I didn't realize I was posting in literary critique.

Wait. That's not what the header says!



That and I didn't really read that post, I just grabbed what looked relevant. It said improvement, it mentioned characters, 2 out of 3.

QUOTE
I'm guessing evilagram's point is that by practicing studies, you'll become faster with your work possibly

The better you are at drawing, the faster you will be able to work.

That and It'll look better, and that its own reward.


--------------------
I keep a list of pixel art tutorials here:
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/416986/misc/SpriteTutorials.html

Please use these.
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