conundrum humdrum

[Saramis Kismet]

I feel a need to explain myself.
& I can't really think of much of an appropriate place for it.
Not DPO, too public.
Not MySpace, too IRL they wouldn't get it.
So...here.
No one comes here, anyway.

Forgive the bloglike appearance. But... I need to write this down.

I think everyone knows how obvious it is that I'm addicted to the Mansion. Not just the stories... the idea... I think about it and I get this rush. I want to crawl out of my window and jump into a car with a huge FLO-RI-DAH OR BUST sign.
I listen to songs and imagine music videos based on the Mansion idea.
I write little blurbs, draw small comics, and devise schemes of epic proportions, all for the sake of imagining how we could make the Mansion actually work.
Oh god, if it could only ever work.
My favorite is the one where Maba pretends to be my aunt and calls me out of class in the morning for a family emergency so that we have all day to get out of town.

*sigh*

The people I imagine living in Mansion change all the time. I mean, the arrangement of who is there. Some of them are constant -- mainly my little self-made circle of close net friends. Some switch in and out depending on whether or not they're really friends with me, or with the other friends. Some get hosted for a little while. Sometimes I even throw in some people's iRL friends into the mix.

I... want it so much. I've let the fantasy consume my desires. That's really bad, I know it, and it's really affected the way I think. I want the Mansion more than anything, or at least something like the Mansion. I want to meet you guys. See you, hear you, hug you, talk to you, go start trouble somewhere
(because it wouldn't be hard and we all know it)

& I guess I'm more than a little curious about how we'd really work in close proximity with each other. It's a totally different thing than internet. Would we ever actually be able to stand each other?
If old bits of drama will just get escalated.
If things aren't as amazing as everyone expected it to be.
I'm pretty positive that quite a few of you, I would just click with instantly. I'm fairly confident that we'd make even better irl friends than internet ones.

But really... I think that daydreaming about this so much... has carved out a little hole inside of me, as cliche as that sounds. I need it, now. Or I want it so fiercely that I mistake it for a necessity. Something like my daydreams actually occurring would make the hole disappear, as if it had never been there in the first place. It would just feel right.
i mean, I'd love to meet just about all of you. But then there are the ones who I just have to meet. These are the ones I talk to... all the time... and... god. I just hate the distance.

I really try to think about this rationally, and accept that it might not ever happen... but yeah, difficult

I have a divided life. A life in my normal world, the regular me... a life on the communities, da, DPOC, lg15, blahblah... and then the life where I call you or email you or IM you and it's completely private and real and close and...
I can't hold real conversations with my school friends online. I couldn't even STAND talking to my bf online. I didn't want to.
(It's not like I'm a different person, it's just that I'm able to act differently, express different parts of me)

I kind of want the private online life and the regular school life to merge (who gives a shit about my pseudo-professional face).
It'd be easier that way.

....... & I feel like if I never meet some of you, all of you, then I'm going to be carrying an extra bit of Lonely A La Mode that is really otherwise unnecessary.

So I believe I have thoroughly, er, spilled my guts, and that as soon as one person reads this the whole lot of you will have read it. Grr. I'm being surprisingly bold here. I just figure since these thoughts tend to feature a great number of you quite a lot, you should know.

If I ever ocme into money, a good car, and a map with stickers on each persons' city, I'm doing it, no questions asked. Dropping everything and doing it. That has got to be some form of unhealthy.

Well, yeah
Toodle-loo

Kis

[Not Bran Muffin]

DO YOU EVER DAYDREAM ADVENTURES WITH MEEEE IN THEM?!

Nigga you iz gawna meet summa us. You and Venus are the last two people on my list of whores to meet IRL.

WAIT A SECOND

-looks at US map-

TEXAS IS BETWEEN VIRGINIA AND ARIZONA :O

I'm probably going to skip Otakon and go to Arizona next summer to see Venus. We could make a detour and hang out for a day or two 8D or hell even take you with us if you've got a week free.

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[Saramis Kismet]

Fuck someone finally found it.

lol who's Nima?

AND I TOTALLY HAVE A WEEK FREE.
TOTALLY.
EEEE.

[dpandaeforever]

HEY LOOK I FOUND IT :D

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