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You know they really ought to implement a three strikes and you're out rule in the world of entertainment. Make 3 bad records and you're barred from making another one, make 3 bad movies and you're barred from making another one, call yourself Pete Doherty and be shot on grounds of affectation. Because Martin Scorsese really ought to be put in a home for the Formerly Talented.

Along with Actor Who Cannot Act (Matt Damon), Actor Who Cannot Grow A Beard But Pretends He Can (Leonardo DiCaprio), Actor Constantly Reprising Role In Witches of Eastwick (Jack Nicholson), Actor Who Is Not An Actor (Donnie Wahlberg) and Baldwin Brother Who got Fat (interchangeable depending on which one it is), he really made a fist of this remake of Infernal Affairs.

For those unaware of the plot;
An Irish 'mafia' figure placed a small selection of his youngest, brightest men into the Massachusetts Police Academy as cadets. Their purpose is to rise within the ranks of the city's police department and to serve as the eyes and ears of their boss. Meanwhile - ta-dah! - a young cadet was assigned with the task of infiltrating said Irish 'mafia'. The police then try to discover who the rat is in their elite unit and Actor Constantly Reprising Role In Witches of Eastwick tries to find out who the rat is in his organisation, even stooping to impersonating a rat at one point in case we were unaware of what a rat is. Cue lots of shooting, explosions, The Joker covered in blood and bizarre accents.

It's so full of cliches, ham acting and lingering looks that it actually becomes quite amusing after a while. And, to be fair, I always enjoy a good explosion and / or things catching fire. And at least everyone - PLOT SPOILER - apart from Wahlberg ends up dead. It's almost as if Scorsese is directing a masterclass in stating the obvious. But he saves the best for last as the closing shot is a long held shot of the golden dome of the Massachusetts State House, and in the foreground is a rat moving slowly along a balcony rail. Wow.

Saving grace - the strangely delicious and remarkably easy Vera Farmiga, who was an absolute delight to watch. She canny act mind, but was lovely to look at.

:twisted :twisted / 2 out of 5

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