A laugh a day, Surviving through humor

~~~~~~ CHRISTMAS CAROL'S FOR THE MENTALLY ILL ~~~~~~

All in fun -- no offense intended.


1. Schizophrenia -- Do You Hear What I Hear, the Voices, the Voices?

2. Amnesia -- I Don't Remember If I'll be Home for Christmas

3. Narcissistic Personality Disorder -- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

4. Bipolar Disorder (Manic Episode) -- Deck The Halls And Walls And House And Lawn And Streets And Stores And Office And Town And Cars And Buses And Trucks And Trees And Fire Hydrants And.......

5. Multiple Personality Disorder -- We Three Queens Disoriented Are

6. Paranoid -- Santa Claus Is Coming To Get Us

7. Borderline Personality Disorder -- You Better Watch Out, You Better not Shout, I'm Gonna Cry, and I'll not Tell You Why

8. Anti-Social Personality Disorder - Thoughts of Roasting You On an Open Fire

9. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder -- Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells

10. Agoraphobia -- I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn't Leave My House

11. Alzheimer's Disease/Senile Dementia -- Walking In a Winter Wonderland Miles from My House in My Slippers and Robe

12. Oppositional Defiant Disorder -- I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus So I Burned Down the House

13. Social Anxiety Disorder -- Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas While I Sit Here and Hyperventilate

14. Attention Deficit Disorder -- We Wish You......Hey Look!! It's Snowing!!!

15. Separation Anxiety Disorder -- I'll have a Blue Christmas without you.

I think they are hilarious

I am coming up on teaching a science unit on matter and it reminded me of the best story from my first year of teaching...

So, I have my students in a circle on the carpet. I'm explaining to the kids (ages 5-6) about how if you change the shape of matter, you can change its function. The example I'm using is paper. So first, I ask the kids if they think a regular piece of paper will fly and then demonstrate by trying to fly it. I then begin folding the paper into an airplane and explain that by folding the paper, I can change it's shape and make it fly. When I finished, I moved into a kneeling position and pulled my arm back (preparing to fly the paper airplane).

Then, the student who was sitting directly across from me in the gets up on his knees and belts out "I believe I can fly..."

Kids are great! Sounds like you enjoy being a teacher!

I really really do.

Another interesting anecdote:

So, I was doing a writing lesson last year and the kids were all at their tables writing (or at least doing a kindergarten student's version of writing). About 5 minutes in...one of the students got up, walked to the carpet and started spinning around. I walked up to him and asked him what he was doing. His response: I'm short circuiting...

It took every ounce of self-control I had to keep me from cracking up right there.

Star Wars truly is everywhere!

R2 would be tweetling excitedly...

Action movie Bollywood style

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uIFxEnkufnk

For the fans of Blackberry, Apple and Xbox

Funny video

Priceless!

I got this in an email today.

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side.' That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2010, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2010. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

I think I like Bill Gates the best.

Liar, liar, pants on fire. That's Bill, not the chicken.

Al Gore

Tweet by Wil Wheaton yesterday:

Okay, not SW but I figured the fanfic reference qualified it for the Cantina.

http://www.aol.com/?ncid=snsusaolp00000001...im&channel=525&.

A news anchor burns her partner on air. Wonder what he did to her?

Heathrow hilarious announcements:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=playe...d&v=1Ou0H2C0HpA

How to Fix Any Computer

Where's the part with the hammer? That's how I fix mine.

Thor spoofs Vader VW ad