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Pages: (3) [1] 2 3  ( Go to first unread post )

 Expecting Pain, (Laurelin and only her)
Andrae
Posted: May 5 2008, 09:56 AM


For Laurelin
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Member No.: 51
Joined: 11-April 06



He led her up the rugged pathway. Two dark figures against the massive mountain. The air became thinner as they climbed, but both could breathe easily enough. Finally they reached a ridge protruding out slightly and the man stopped with his back to the mountain and her facing him.

There she was, standing right in front of him, expectantly. There she was, looking as beautiful as ever. Such a lovely moment, he thought, and he had done well so far in trying not to be as awkward around her as he usually was.

This would wreck everything though. But he had to tell her; he had to find the courage to tell her how he felt. There would be no way that she would see him again and if, by chance, they found each other, she would have to walk away. She loved another, not him.

Andrae had been planning this for months. The scene had played over and over in his mind, willing to be played for real. This was his chance. His chance to ruin everything, but his conscience would not let him try another way. She deserved to know the truth.

Still, as he opened his mouth to speak, he could not help but admire her. She was framed wonderfully with the backdrop of the mountains, the cloudy sky and the massive drop behind her. The snow was starting to fall lightly so a few flakes stood out against her dark hair before they melted.

His mouth was open but no words came out. He silently berated himself. You can do it, you have to, he thought.

“Laure...” The words refused to be heard. He took a deep breath and tried again.

“Laurelin, I came to tell you that...” Okay a little better, one more time, he thought desperately.

“Okay, I’ll just say it. Laurelin, I’m in love with you.”

And he waited patiently for his words to make their true effect as the snow picked up and the wind started to howl softly between the trees below and whipped his dark blonde hair across his face.


--------------------
Andrae | Maddie | Laisera | Beren

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| | Andrae Base | |

A beating heart has nowhere to turn.
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Laurelin
Posted: May 7 2008, 03:49 PM


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[[I went ahead and made this few years ahead of when we last wrote with them ... if you want me to change that, let me know! I also might have godmodded slightly with how they ran into each other, if you want any of that changed, let me know. smile.gif]]

She wasn't sure what he expected of her, to be honest. They had met almost three years previous, or had it been two? Time had played with her mind, and while he stuck out in all the lives of all the people she had met, it was simply attributed to the fact that she had ran into him more than once. And it was also attributed to the fact that while she found most people who struck her as bumbling to be annoying, she simply found him cute. He was adorable when his tongue became tied so, perhaps because she recognized that there was much intelligent thought behind his brown eyes. He was not a fool, no matter how others might have found him to be one at certain times. She did not.

Perhaps that was why she found him difficult to read. He was not the easiest person to decipher, she had discovered that after she first met him. His mystery had only grown through all the years that they had randomly stumbled upon one another. This last meeting had been no different, and she enjoyed it just as she had their previous ones. When he had come to her that morning and beckoned her to follow him, she had done so without hesitation, though as it was he had led her to a place she had not expected.

Wrapping her cloak around her after they stopped on the ledge, the chill of the high altitude air cooling her slightly, although she was still warm from the climb. Thinking he had brought her here for the view, she turned to the side slightly and looked at the beautiful land below them. Laurelin had been here only a few times, and she openly admired the view. The little ruins tucked here and there amongst the crags of the mountains ... it all looked beautiful and old. Simply lovely, a sense of antiquity. Not even seeming to be aware of the softly falling flakes of snow, she was completely enraptured in the view, at least until Andrae spoke her name, or at least part of it. Her eyes narrowing slightly in concerned questioning, she turned her attention back to him, her eyes searching his, as she waited patiently for him to continue his thoughts.

What she heard was not what she expected.

Completely stunned, Laurelin simply stared at him. She had considered him a friend ... not really a good one at that, as she only saw him only seldom. Not to say that he was not a good friend, it was more that they did not know each other well enough to be close friends. Her mind caught in the sudden tangles of their relationship, which she had thought so simple, her gaze returned to the mountains surrounding them. Why had he done this? He surely knew that he was not the holder of her heart. Did he not? Had she ever alluded to the contrary? Biting at her bottom lip, Laurelin visibly hesitated. She had had her own heart broken too many times by this same fate that was about to break his ... in the depths of her soul, she fought against the unfairness of it. But what was she to do? She did not love him ... and another adored her, one who she adored in return.

"Andrae ... " His name was softly spoken, and very hesitantly. She honestly had no idea about how to handle this. "I am honored ..." She visibly hesitated. "How long have you felt this way? Have I done something?"


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Andrae
Posted: May 10 2008, 10:12 AM


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((The few years thing is good, works better than being only a little after. Godmod anything you like.))

That look she gave him, just as she tried to work out how to reject him gently, made him weak at the knees. Or so he supposed that was what was going through her mind behind her eyes.

Poor Laurelin! Andrae never had any intention of hurting her, he simply only wanted her to know how he felt and to wish her to be happy with the other guy, the one she actually loved. She had turned away from him, why? To hide her feelings so he would not see her discomfort? Perhaps, she wanted to cover her annoyance. Maybe she could not deal with the extra stress of breaking his heart.

He had to say something. She had asked a question, two in fact. Should he reply or just carry on with the plan? She was obviously shocked, but what was he to do?

The mountains felt like they held every answer possible. His gaze wandered over them, looking for signs. They were so mysterious, like her. They were so beautiful, like her and patient too. Everywhere he thought of, everything, he could compare their attributes to her.

Tancred. He had heard things about him and envied him to the ends of the earth. How lucky was that man? He could have Laurelin for ever, they were destined for each other, but Andrae? No, he was probably destined to wander the world alone, until the day he died.

But Andrae had Laurelin now, alone, just for this moment. It would never repeat itself. He had to get this right.

“I’ve loved you since that first day I met you, at the Rune Borders. You didn’t do anything in particular except being yourself. And I know about Tancred, I wish you two to be happy together but I thought you deserved to know how I felt.” He took a large sigh. “Even if it stops me seeing you again, you deserve everything I can give you.”

His heart was stronger now than for all those years. She should not worry about him, he thought. She had already, unknowingly, broken it and ripped it to shreds. Now it was repairing itself after all the time of knowing they would never be together.


--------------------
Andrae | Maddie | Laisera | Beren

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| | Andrae Base | |

A beating heart has nowhere to turn.
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Laurelin
Posted: May 11 2008, 08:31 PM


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His silence was painful. Why he was making her do this was a question she could not answer. Why would someone willingly place their heart in a position to be broken? He knew, he had to know ... yet he had not answered her. Turning back toward him slightly, Laurelin searched his eyes as they stared out over the landscape. There were no answers there, not that she could find. Yet she had so many questions ... she simply did not understand him. She could not claim to be a genius when it came to men, but yet, this silence, and before that, his words, were enough to leave her completely and totally helpless. In a way, she felt foolish, for surely there was an answer to this situation, one she had obviously never been told. Had other women ever had this forced upon them? Admittedly, she had before, however, the difference between loving two men and being loved by two men were entirely different situations.

The silence hurt. There was no other way for her to describe it. Even with the wind practically howling around them, she could still plainly hear their breathing, it seemed magnified in the silence. There seemed to be no relief from it, the oppression the silence brought was overwhelming. However, the entire situation could only have been described as overwhelming. Why, oh why, was he doing this? Even for all her ability at being cruel, at shedding blood without a thought or care, her one weakness was in this sort of a situation. The one of love. Having had her heart torn apart by far too many men, she did not relish the thought of doing it to another. She had always hated the idea that she might have to break another heart .. and while she had resisted Tancred's advances at first, her own fortifications had eventually crumbled. Laurelin had thought herself safe after that, had thought she was secure from ever being in such a situation again. Someone else falling in love with her was something she had never expected to happen ...

If she had thought the silence bad, his words were even worse. Running a hand tiredly over her eyes as he finished, she bit back a groan of emotional anguish. He had to make things hard, didn't he? Three years ... for three years she had evidentially consumed this man, while she had never given him a second thought. "Andrae ... what are you wanting me to say?" Her words were softly whispered, she was not even sure she wanted an answer. "I appreciate your caring ... I do ... but what do you want me to say?" Raising her head, her eyes met his, searching them in questioning.


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Andrae
Posted: May 18 2008, 10:23 AM


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He had waited patiently for her to work out how to phrase the rejection and after all that time he was quite surprised that she still seemed at a loss for what to say. His thoughts became painful when he realised that perhaps she found it too hard to hurt him. It could be quite easy for her to just walk away and yet she would not.

Laurelin seemed just sweet in her confusion, not harsh, cruel or kind. Simply sweet. She had so many sides that he had seen and he loved them all.

Andrae was glad that he had picked this place, such beautiful surroundings and one could forget the situation they had to survive. It had helped give him confidence and perhaps, Laurelin might remember this encounter in years to come when she would be happy with her family. One day she would settle down properly. Andrae could not say the same for himself.

“You don’t need to say a word. I didn’t mean to hurt you or anything, just tell you the truth. I had to. You can turn around and walk back down to flat land, far from me. I won’t follow you.” Andrae said this but could not help thinking that it would be properly finished if she just said that she did not feel the same way. In Andrae’s mind, he did not know that she knew that he knew that she had no feelings for him.

“I can guide you back down if you need it. Then we’ll say farewell and call it a day.”

There was no reason to tell her just how much thoughts of her had tormented him over the last years. No reason at all. But he wanted to; he wanted to tell her just how devoted he was. But that would be too cruel.

((I thought that the boldness of speech was a good idea.))


--------------------
Andrae | Maddie | Laisera | Beren

user posted image
| | Andrae Base | |

A beating heart has nowhere to turn.
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Laurelin
Posted: May 19 2008, 08:21 PM


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If she had thought his earlier words confused her, his ones that seemed to be almost of ... reassurance, did even more toward that end. He didn't meant to hurt her? Why would his doing this have hurt her? Yes, she was well aware of how painful crushing someone's hopes and dreams was, as she was currently doing that very thing. However, hurt? Was she hurt? No ... she did not believe so. That was him. It was him that was hurt. And all by his own doing.

More and more she was becoming aware of a side to Andrae that she had not known existed. She had found him compassionate, kind, at times a little bumbling in his attempts at conversations. Now though, she was seeing something else, something she could not quite define. She had known he was a deep individual, yet, she was sensing, through this conversation, that there was a deepness within him that not even she could tap into. It was something she had not expected to find within him, another level of thought and clarity, when she had been so certain that she had known him so well. Or at least, well enough to predict his actions. No, perhaps she did not know him at all.

Sighing lightly, she turned her gaze from him back to the mountains that rose up around them, against whom's magnificence both her and Andrae faded into obscurity. It was almost easy to imagine that there was nothing except the mountains, that everything that they were discussing there had no significance whatsoever. Yet, she knew without a doubt that what they were talking about had great significance. Sadly, it defined both their lives. She would be forced to know she had broken someone's heart, that while she was snuggled in the arms of the man she loved, he would be all alone. And he would be forced to remember what she was doing, and that there was never to be any hope for it to happen to him, at least not on her part. She could not love him, he had never held any attraction for her. That was not to say that he was not good looking ... simply just that she had never felt drawn to him. Oh, the world was cruel. If only there was never any possibility for love to happen outside of the two beings that were made to love each other.

"Andrae, you didn't hurt me. I am just trying to understand why you are doing this. If I did anything to make you think I cared for you in this manner, I apologize. I am in love with a man in Albaeir, Andrae, you know that. I don't understand ..." Trailing off, she stared at the mountains for a moment longer. "Yes, I think we should go." Her last words were softly spoken, almost with an air of defeat.


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Andrae
Posted: May 27 2008, 08:16 AM


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Why was his dear love confused? It all seemed quite simple to him. He had to tell her so he had. That would be the end of it. But of course, it was not. It was a labyrinth of confusion as love always is. Why had he fallen in love with her in the first place? Why could he not fall out of love with her, at will? All this pain and torture for no reason.

In his mind, it had been simple. Those plans had all worked out but he never, for one second, had he expected her to be confused. Never had she been as reluctant to say goodbye, forever.

‘My love flows like a river into the empty sea.’ The quote came to him from nowhere. Andrae could not remember where it was he had read it. But, wherever from, it was not true. If the analogy were right then no one else would love, if his were the only one flowing to the sea. His love was insignificant, not unique.

He thought he saw what could be a small stream in the landscape behind him. Though, try as he might, he could not see where it led. Perhaps, that was a better comparison to his love, one that was strong but led nowhere.

Oh, how he wished he could tell Laurelin how it used to hurt him, but now he felt relief and freedom from living a lie, not pain and yet he did feel pain whether he liked or expected it or not.

Andrae had seen her tackle harder obstacles than this, with more speed. Her dagger could be in her hand within a second; she could have a sharp, quick tongue and was a fast thinker. Then why did she not know what to say?

“Laurelin, I don’t think you did anything,” he paused. “Okay, I’ll lead then. Or do you know the way?”

He could not say that this was not hurting him as much, because it probably was, no matter how he tried to deny it. His last hope that she loved him was extinguished.

Likewise, he could not say that he thought it was hurting her because he had forced her to reject him. Because what happened if it was not very hard for her at all. She was so unpredictable that guessing her thoughts probably was not a good idea.


--------------------
Andrae | Maddie | Laisera | Beren

user posted image
| | Andrae Base | |

A beating heart has nowhere to turn.
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Laurelin
Posted: May 27 2008, 08:13 PM


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She was tired. She suddenly felt tired. And old ... old in a way that she had not experienced before. It was more that the fact she suspected she knew exactly what she was doing to him, how her rejection had to hurt ... he knew she was in love with another, her confusion caused her grief almost more than anything else. She just did not understand why he was doing this. Did he think he would win her love by sympathy? Did he think that by letting her know that he cared, it would be apt to make her want to leave the arms of Tancred Elliot in exchange for his? Andrae was her friend, she felt nothing more for him. By his doing this, it almost seemed to her that he was implying that she should feel more, that she should be able to give him what he was silently and discretely asking. He wanted her love, and for some reason, that fact suddenly irritated her.

She was not like other women. She did not love the first man that came along with an offer to love her. Laurelin fell for the man that most captured her attention, that enraptured her, drew her in, captured her very mind. And once it was captured, the bond that her mind, body, and soul created with the man was only severed on his part. She loved deeply, passionately, desperately. In a way, it was not even love, more she was obsessed. She could not live without the one that she adored, that she practically worshiped. It placed the man on a pedestal, one that he was not always deserving of. However, in all her blind addiction, she did not see, nor recognize that.

It was not so much that fact that she did not think Andrae worthy of her love ... it was more the fact that he just did not compare to the man that she currently adored. The man who's side she was never going to leave. Through Andrae sharing his feelings, she almost felt as though he was implying that she should show him favor, over Tancred, whom she had sworn her entire existence to. It was unfair.

Her anger was starting to brew by the time he spoke, and she was quite tempted to just storm down the mountain ahead of him, so that she was not forced to acknowledge his presence. How dare he do this to her! Unfortunately though, that option did not work, as she did not know the way. Refusing to look at him, her features suddenly hard and grim, she stared out over the mountains. "I don't know the way."


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Andrae
Posted: May 29 2008, 09:36 AM


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Now it was Andrae’s turn to be confused. A minute ago, she was kind and had some sympathy, he could tell in her eyes. Suddenly, she seemed annoyed, angry. Had he done something?

Andrae thought desperately, he had not said anything except asking if she knew the way. Perhaps, it was that he had insulted her intelligence but then she had replied in the negative. There was no love in her face before but now he thought he could sense hatred. What had he done?

Why was she avoiding eye contact? And why was the snow starting to fall more heavily? He looked up at the sky, which had turned dark grey and the snow fell from it in torrents. It probably was not wise to go down, even knowing the path well, which he did not. He had stumbled on it by chance last night and tried to remember the way as best as possible. Coming up was a lot easier to going back down on the rugged path covered with rocks and boulders. By the bottom the snow would be up to their waists, he was sure.

On the other hand, they could not stay up here, waiting for the storm to pass. It could take all day and then they would be up on this exposed ledge for the night as well. It would not have been a bad prospect if it had happened before he told her how he felt but now he sensed that she wanted to be far away from him and as soon as possible. What had he done wrong?

This anger was so much worse than the slightly upset goodbye that he had been expecting. She should not resent his company. This was the worst pain she had ever put him through in those years that he had adored her; hatred was cruel.

Andrae was glad that she was not watching him for his eyes had started to fill up with tears. Blinking through them, he tried to make out the path going back down. It was hard as the visibility was decreasing.

He took a few steps towards it. Laurelin had not yet moved. He should ask her. He should ask her why she now loathed him. He should, but would he be able to?

“Are you coming?” He hoped his tone would convey the second question, full of hurt and sorrow.


--------------------
Andrae | Maddie | Laisera | Beren

user posted image
| | Andrae Base | |

A beating heart has nowhere to turn.
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Laurelin
Posted: Jun 3 2008, 03:54 AM


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Oh Andrae. Poor, poor Andrae. Whatever had she done to him? It had been accidental, in all truth. Although her anger was not accidental, and in her mind, it was his fault, she all the same felt compassion for him. She noticed out of her peripheral vision, the steps that he hesitantly took toward the path that had brought them up the mountain. He seemed uncertain now, just as she was. It wrung at her heart strangely, and she frowned slightly, just a slight downturning of the corners of her mouth. It wasn't easy, no matter what course of action, no matter how she reacted, it wasn't easy.

His tone, and the question, struck her oddly. Not the fact so much that his tone seemed distraught and hurt, as that seemed normal after having just been rejected by the woman that he loved, but more so because just moments before he had actually seemed very alright with the whole idea. And his question did strike her as odd, if his movements had been less hesitant and more determined, she would have immediately followed him. However, as it was, she had not wanted to pressure him to move quicker than he liked, and so had decided to not move until she was certain that he was ready. Confusing man.

"Yes, of course." She knew her answer in response to his question was not the kindest ... she could have been more friendly, more caring, more compassionate. Perhaps she should have done something to reassure him, but what was there to say? In all truth, she was still irritated with him, though at his hurt expression it had cooled some. Her goal was not to wound him more than she already had, if that was at all possible. Upon a moment of further thought, she decided it was not.

Walking over to him, she kept her gaze adverted, instead staring at the path that lay before them. Or, as she studied it, the lack of a path. They had come up a path, hadn't they? It could have been only the thickly falling snow, but she was fairly certain that now she did not see anything that slightly resembled the way that had led them to this ledge. "Andrae ..." Laurelin's dependence on Tancred had, in some ways, made her soft, and she hesitated visibly. She had been aware of her surroundings on the trip up the mountain, and the fact that she now did not recognize hardly anything at all shook her deeply. She could only hope that he understood her unvoiced question, for as much as she trusted him, she still was not unprideful, and admitting defeat or fear was not something she was ever going to do.


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Andrae
Posted: Jun 14 2008, 04:14 PM


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What did I do? he wanted to scream at her. So he told her how he felt and forced her to reject him, what was so wrong with that anyway? It was him that was supposed to hate her. She was the one tormenting his thoughts for the past years. She was the one who he had fallen reluctantly into love with. She was the one who had broken his heart. Andrae could not see what he had done wrong. She seemed to love being a mystery and even now, when he knew quite a bit about her, she was so unpredictable. So mysterious were her intentions and feelings that Andrae wondered how he did love her. But no amount of thinking could change that fact; he did love her. He would probably love her forever but never see her again.

They should not go down the mountain that much was clear. The snowstorm was getting wilder by the second as if telling him that they should not go down. What choice did he have? He thought he heard fear in her voice but he must be mistaken; she was never scared. He wished she would finish her previous sentence, assuming it was a sentence and not just her wanting to hear the sound of his name. No, stop. She did not love him and never had, it was silly to entertain the possibility. How was he supposed to know what she implied in only his name? Would she tell him that she still wanted to be friends? That would be the best that he ever hoped for but it was not likely. Not likely at all.

He took some more hesitant steps before deciding to be brave. He wanted to show her that he could have courage, as a man should. He took a deep breath again and starting walking properly. He surveyed the path, what he could see of it anyway, and stopped.

“Let’s go.” He thought it better not to ask her to carry on saying whatever she was going to; though he knew that he wanted to.

Andrae began to walk, more confidently, down the path, not really waiting for Laurelin to follow. She probably would. He hoped as an afterthought.


--------------------
Andrae | Maddie | Laisera | Beren

user posted image
| | Andrae Base | |

A beating heart has nowhere to turn.
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Laurelin
Posted: Jun 19 2008, 06:55 AM


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Laurelin watched, somewhat stunned, as Andrae paused and then continued down the mountain, calling for her to follow him. That was it? He had ignored her? Shocked did not even begin to describe her. Evidently, being in love with Tancred had also made her quite spoiled, as when she spoke a man's name, she now seemed to expect his attention. Although, actually, the more she considered it, the more she thought that she had always been of that persuasion. She liked attention, even if not in a spoiled way. She simply liked when people listened, or took the time to do so. He had spurned her, she felt. Anger pricking at her once again, almost all compassion that she had felt for him drained from her. A slight bit remained, but for the most part, she was now upset, not for him, but against him.

Not helping matters was the confident walk that he boasted. He did not seem at all daunted by the swirling snow that was starting to engulf them. Instead, he moved as if he knew exactly what he was doing, and where he was going. She wondered briefly if that was because he did, however, even if that was so, she disliked the fact that she was rendered uncertain by the storm, and instead his confidence grew.

Yes, perhaps it was foolish, all her emotions that were making her rather miserable in her irritation. She knew it was ridiculous, deep down. However, she felt somewhat emotionally drained, emotionally affected in a way that she did not like. All he had done was pronounce his love to her, yet that irritated her, grated at her, in a way she could not explain. In a way, she supposed it was her deep rooted reluctance to love ... it left her feeling vulnerable and uncertain. Feelings that she hated more than possibly anything else.

Pushing her thoughts away, she followed him blindly, having no other recourse in all truth. Even if she did not necessarily trust his navigation skills, she had none herself, so that presented a great problem. Hugging the wall in an attempt to stay away from the other side of the ledge, which led to a drop, she only hoped that one of them did not slip as the rocks grew slick from the snow as they slowly descended.


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Andrae
Posted: Jun 21 2008, 02:57 PM


For Laurelin
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((I'll reply later. Sorry little time.))


--------------------
Andrae | Maddie | Laisera | Beren

user posted image
| | Andrae Base | |

A beating heart has nowhere to turn.
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Laurelin
Posted: Jun 21 2008, 03:15 PM


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[[Tis fine, no hurry. smile.gif ]]


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Andrae
Posted: Jun 28 2008, 03:58 PM


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Andrae had walked and not heeded her warning purely because he had no clue what she was going to say. He had always known her to be brave, not hesitant so the idea of her worrying about the blizzard was alien to him. But he saw her with rose-tinted glasses as being in love often does to anyone. Rose-tinted glasses. They stopped him seeing her annoyance and anger at that moment. In his eyes, she was perfect, nothing less. She only pretended to hate him that much he had managed to reason. She was being kind that was all. Kindness was telling her to make it easier for him by showing irritation so he would see another side to her and think that he was leaving nothing behind. But it would not work. He would always love her, completely and utterly.

Andrae desperately hoped that confidence and courage would show in his steps because inside he was shaking. He could not believe this. Even now, he was trying to put on a brave face to impress her. It did not matter what she thought of him anymore; she would never stop loving Tancred. Perhaps, if he died... Tancred, not Andrae.

No, don’t think things like that. They belong together.

The snow was getting so bad that he could barely see a few metres around him. Laurelin was not in those few metres. Was she still behind him, following or was she... Concern welled up inside him. If anything happened... it was all his fault. He had brought her here.

“Laurelin,” he whispered. “Are you still there?”

She would not be able to hear that, you idiot. How could she? The wind is howling and you can’t even hear yourself trudge though the snow.

But she could hear it, nevertheless.

((Sorry it is a bit shorter. It is shorter whether it looks so or not. Maybe the retreating into the cave at least is a good idea. If you don't know what I'm going on about, read the pm first.))


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Andrae | Maddie | Laisera | Beren

user posted image
| | Andrae Base | |

A beating heart has nowhere to turn.
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