On my desk at home sat a couple of of newspaper clippings. With all that was happening I was hoping to get an idea of how it had all started. Starting from the oldest articles I began reading the newspaper...Oklahoma City, Oklahoma (Friday, July 13, 2007) - Senator Crepehanger has reportedly gone ill after surviving Wednesday's terrorist raid on the Federal Vampire and Zombie Agency (FVZA) which many remember as having failed to prevent a previously unknown viral outbreak in Seattle earlier this year. Feeling that the FVZA was turning into another FEMA, Crepehanger made a visit to the FVZA's headquarters to get down to what was wrong with the agency.
^Senator Crepehanger at his private residence in Oklahoma.
After surviving the attack Senator Crepehanger along with Attorney General Scotch were rushed to Johns Hopkins Hospital for precautionary medical attention. Employees of the FVZA who were wounded were eventually treated at the Walter Reed Army Medical Center. Attorney General Scotch has been reported to be in perfect health but Crepehanger was said to have developed the flu, likely as a result of the stress from the terrorist attack.
Senator Crepehanger has since been moved back to his home in Oklahoma and has reportedly taken sick leave from his duties in Congress. Rumors that he has slipped into a coma have already been denied by the senator's personal secretary.
- The New York Times
That's where things started to get get weird.Washington D.C. (Friday, July 20th, 2007) - Still looking ill from his recent sickness, Senator Crepehanger is already back to work in the senate. And he's already begun work on getting down to the raid on the Federal Vampire and Zombie Agency.
While grilling several high ranking members of the FVZA, Crepehanger made statements declaring that the FVZA deserved the raid for it's immoral attacks on innocent American citizens who're merely suffering from a disease. Crepehanger also brought up a previously forgotten Supreme Court ruling from 1935 in which the highest court in the land declared that the FVZA no longer had Powers of Termination. The senator also vowed to eliminate the agency, starting with slashing all of its funding until a bill could be introduced to repeal the bill that created the agency.
Several other prominent Congressmen have already pledged their support to Crepehanger while only Senator Knight, a retired agent from the 1970's, has dared to stand up to Senator Crepehanger's newfound pro-vampiric views.
- The Washington Post
Washington D.C. (Sunday, August 5th, 2007) - Last night's "Bloody Sabbath" rally as it was called was the first major vampire rights event in the capital since the 1930's, and certainly took many by surprise. Less than a month after surviving a vampire terrorist attack on the Federal Vampire and Zombie Agency's headquarters, Senator Crepehanger has apparently taken the vampire's side as evidenced by his wide support of the protest.
The rally started just after dusk, at which point the National Mall was set upon by thousands of vampire enthusiasts, many whom claim to be actual vampires. During the rally there were signs with slogans such as "Your blood is my blood" and other colorful sayings. Guest speakers included none other than Senator Crepehanger, and several members of the ACLU.
Due to the advertising concerning the event, the Department of Homeland Security placed the entire thing under intense scrutiny but ultimately allowed the event to take place. Possibly because of the nature of the rally, the FVZA did not attempt to make any arrests, most likely out of risk for its own agents. However the FVZA has confirmed that it sent several investigators under cover in order to keep an eye on the event.
"Here at the Federal Vampire and Zombie we work to uphold the Constitution of the United States, and therefore we fully support the right to assemble. However we feel that public safety is very important, which necessitated the deployment of undercover investigators. We discovered that only a handful of people there even remotely resembled a real vampire, but it was near impossible to get an ID on a true vampire. So we cannot confirm or deny any chance of HVZ being transmitted. However because of the amount of blood sharing occuring at this festival there may have been other things transmitted, none of which result in vampirism thankfully." Said the FVZA's Deputy Director.
- The Chicago Tribune